Office Supply Art: The Blog

Blurry Visions

2009-05-14T12:17:00.003-04:00

This project, making a Vision Board, is a repeat of one I did before, but here is why I'm doing it again:

I wanted to make a new Vision Board for my own life
Using it as today's project meant no extra work for me
It's a great way to kill time at work (for you)

So, how do you make a Vision Board? It's kinda just a collage of things you really like. The last time I made one I thought about what I wanted to have in my life and found pictures that represented those things. For this board I just kind of opened up my energy and liquor cabinet and ripped out things that spoke to me (unless that was the Whiskey...?)

I don't think you actually need step-by-step directions for this, so I'm just going to show you what I've got on mine.

Another picture of a beautiful kitchen. I love to be in the kitchen, so I think that's why I always end up with pictures of gorgeous kitchens on my Vision Boards. Bring 'em on!
A pic of Pete Seeger looking out into the distance with some inspiring words. About a month ago my mom showed me a Pete Seeger biography on TV, which I blogged about here. I felt a real connection to him and would like to help people like he did. In my case that would mean NOT singing in public, but either way I wanted him on my board.
A picture of a painting that spoke to me. See how it has reds, oranges, yellows, greens, and blues? I am always drawn to art that has rainbow-esque colors in it, so this made the cut
Some fern things. I don't know, I was drawn to them.

"Breathing Space" just seemed to fit.
More pretty rainbow colors.
A pic of the woman who is giving the keynote speech at a conference I'm going to later this month.
A piece of clay sculpture that appealed to me.
Some redheaded woman who owns a local breakfast place. Don't know if I cut it out because breakfast is my favorite meal or because I want to be friends with her, but there it is.

Pancakes. Duh.

"Thank Goodness". This came off an ad for a cereal, but I thought it was nice.
A key (to my new life! Or something!)
Some flowers, because if I don't put them up in a picture on the wall I know there won't be any in my house. (Because I have a black thumb.)
A cheetah. Don't know why.

A person levitating over a big roll of hay. See, this time I just picked stuff that called to me, without any real rhyme or reason.
Another redhead! I don't know what's going on, but I think it's time for a dye job.

Some healthy looking, organized food. Maybe it's time to organize my cupboard? So things don't fall out every time I open them?
Another key.
An elephant.
"Art doesn't have to match the couch." (Mom, don't forget that.)
Some more colorful, beautiful food.

Angry, fighting cups. Don't know why, but it seemed like they belonged.

So what the heck is the point of this? Well, if you do it it should kill at minimum one full hour of the work day. But the real reason to do it is to open yourself up to the possibility of allowing new experiences into your life.

If you want your life to change, you have to let the Universe know. You should spend as much time as possible thinking and dreaming about your new life, and this exercise is a great way to get started on that. Once you're done post it up somewhere you'll see it often, like on your boss's forehead. That way you'll keep remembering that you can change your life and have wonderful, beautiful things in it. Like a couple of redheads.

Matches Are For Adults

2009-05-13T12:58:00.005-04:00

Hi there. I know, it's been a few days since I've posted an office supply art project, but I've got a good excuse: I had no good ideas. Also I'm lazy.

But I'm back with a good one!

Catastrophic Cup Wars

Step One:

Go to the coffee break/lunch room at your work establishment. Find some cups. Also, some plastic utensils might come in handy.

Step Two:

Get out your writing implement and start making some crazy and feisty faces for your cups.

Step three:

Start acting out a heated argument between the cups. Right here they're fighting about whose turn it is to check their email.

Step four:

Since they knew it was going to get ugly, the cups moved away from the valuable electronic equipment and took it to some other place with a wooden floor. Maybe they're in a barn or honkytonk or something. Oh, and they also have weapons now. If you know me, you'll know I'm a pacifist, but if you try to get in the way of my computer time or cookie jar, I might whip out my tools of destruction. In this case we've got a spoon shovel thing and it turns out Larry, the cup on the left, can breathe fire! That comes in handy!

I can hear my mother's disapproving sigh. Kids: matches are dangerous! And I would never recommend using them if you're an adult and not too bright. Or under the influence. And make sure you have some water, baking powder, a fire extinguisher, and some sexy shirtless firefighter within grabbing distance in case the match catches something on fire. The firefighter comes in handy even if you're not playing with matches. But I digress.

Step five:

Declare a winner!

My tip for living your life the best way possible for today is:

Go read my other blog! I only had enough good advice for one day, and it's over here!

Post It Note Mother

2009-05-08T11:32:00.002-04:00

Today's project is pretty self explanatory:

Don't forget Sunday is Mother's Day!! It's Friday, the last day in the work week, so this is your last chance to come up with something for her that's free - you can make her a card using stuff out of the supply closet!

And today's tip of the day is make the most of your weekend and focus on the things you love in your life. Focusing on the good stuff will bring more of it into your universe - worrying about the "bad" stuff will only bring more of that in.

Have a great weekend!

Purdyness

2009-05-06T12:13:00.010-04:00

Today's project will not involve Post-its! Yay!

In fact, I got my inspiration for this office supply art when I was taking my morning walk. Behold the greatness of

Pens of Pretty

Step one:

Get some pens and pencils

Boring, right?

Step two:

Get you some purdy stuff from outside:

Yes, this project involves walking out of the office to a place where nature lives. If this is not possible, other alternatives include stealing flowers out of the arrangement on the reception desk in the foyer, making leaves out of toilet paper, or just using something readily found around the office, light doughnuts.

Step three:

Lay your object down next to your writing implement:

Step four:

Find some sort of fastening device, like packing tape from the mail room or, in my case, electrical tape from the junk drawer. (side note: I just typed "hunk drawer". If you have one of those at your office, please let me know so I can come visit.) Use the tape or whatever to attached the nature to the writing device.

Step five:

Put newly decorated implement in your kick ass pencil holder to admire.

Step six:

Repeat with your other items.

Step seven:

Use implements, noting how practical they are for office use.

Step eight:

Admire the beauty!

And my tip of the day is simply to get out and enjoy your life. Go outside during your workday. Take a walk. Notice how beautiful the world is. If you live in a city, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. If you don't like flowers, buy yourself a ham sandwich. Do something today that reminds you how wonderful life is.

2009-05-05T10:54:00.010-04:00

Office Supply Art Project of the Day:

FLIP YOU!

Step one:

Get some Post-It Notes, since I'm incapable of coming up with a project that does not involve them. (In my defense, I work at home now and my supplies are limited. If you work at an office you probably have a big old closet full of wonderful things. If so, please send me some!)

Flip the pad over, you're going to use the backside of the notes in this case, so you can still use the front side for important work stuff. Like making grocery lists.

Step two:

We're going to make a flip book. Remember those? You draw a bunch of scenes on pieces of paper and then flip through them, so it looks like the scene is moving? Okay, so draw some scene. I've got a car driving on Mars or something.

Step three:

Keep changing the scene a teeny bit and keep the action going...

Until something exciting happens, like a crash into a random brick wall!

Here is a very sexy video written, directed, and produced by me of my flip book in action. Caution: This may knock your socks right off.

Wasn't that amazing? Hey, it killed some time, didn't it? If you've got something better, by all means send it to me at jentrinque@gmail.com.

Perhaps right now you're entertaining some story about how you can't make a flip book because you're not talented enough. It's convenient that you say that, because it brings me beautifully into my next topic. Thanks.

Today's live your life the way you want to tip:

Kick Your Crappy Beliefs to the Curb!

This morning I was coaching an amazing woman...what? Yes, I actually do occasionally do something besides make office supply art and take fuzzy photos of it. In fact, I like coaching and helping others even more than I like making office supply art, but it's fun, too.

Anyways, back to my point. This amazing woman really has quite a bit going for her: her own business, happy marriage, daughter, is publishing a book with a small local publisher, and something most people would be really envious of: her hubby is making enough money that he says she can leave her business and just focus on writing if she'd like, she can take a break from worrying about money.

Awesome, right? Not so much. She immediately goes into a horrible panicked state that if she's not being productive, as in making money, she's not a good person. False Belief Alert!

It was after learning this I took her through The Work, as originated by the amazing Byron Katie. (And I get to see her live this summer!)

First I asked my client if it was true that if she wasn't productive she wasn't a good person. She said yes.

Next I asked her if she could think of any situation, involving her or another person, where the person was not productive, but still a good person. She named herself in one example, citing a time when she supported a good friend spiritually while she went through a bad divorce. She also named her daughter, who doesn't have to do a damn thing to be a good person, and also her mother. They aren't being productive, but they're lovable and good anyways!

Third I asked her how she felt when she held that story in her head, that she had to be productive to be a good person. She felt pretty crappy, let me tell you.

Lastly I asked her how it would feel to never, ever believe that story again. She felt so free and alive! And let me tell you, when you feel free and alive, that's the truth of your life coming through.

The last step in this process is to look for a turnaround. In this case the most obvious turnaround is, "I do not have to be productive to be a good person." I asked her to give some examples of when she was still a good person but not being productive, and she easily answered that just spending time with her daughter on the couch felt very worthwhile and she felt like a good person, despite the fact she wasn't bringing home the bacon at that exact moment.

If you have a belief that is causing you sadness, stress, or anxiety, it's false. If you don't believe me, call me so I can coach you! If you do believe me, and want to try this out, ask yourself these four questions and do the turn around at the end.

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know with complete certainty that it's true in all situations?
3. How do you feel when you think and believe that thought?
4. How do you feel when you can't believe that thought?

Then, turn the statement around to its opposite and think of at least three examples proving your new belief right.

Feel better? Make a flip book and look at your false beliefs. It will kill time at your lame job and make you feel warm and fuzzy.

Shoes and Oboes

2009-05-04T10:10:00.007-04:00

Happy, Happy Monday. Wha'd you do this weekend? Mud wrestling? Karaoke-ing? Entomology classes? Excellent. I spent the weekend thinking long and hard about what today's office supply art project should be. This is what I came up with;

Spicy Shoes

Below is the actual shoe I used to wear to work. Ugh.

So, I'm guessing you might not be crazy about the shoes you're forced to wear day in and day out, either, so why not make 'em more "you"?

Also, you should really let your cat help you, if you happen to bring him or her to the workplace:

Okay, so back to the decorating:

Step one:

I hit the old standby, paperclips, to start decorating my shoes. And of course, cat hair. Must not leave the girls out...

Step two:

Cut up a Post-It Note as though it were high quality suede, and cut tassels out of it.

Step three:

Put it all together and what do you have? Some kick ass shoes.

Can you see that I actually have rings on my ankle from the elastic in the socks I was wearing? That's HOT!

Step four:

See how it works with your wardrobe:

I personally think these pajama bottoms go with everything, so I'm just lucky I guess.

I may have spent all weekend contemplating the art project part of this post, but I'm going to be pulling the "live the life that you want to" tip out of my...shoe.

You're Going to Die. Now What? Or Maybe You're Really Rich.

This is yet another way to get you on track to narrowing down what is really important to you in your life. Time to get out the pen and paper.

First, imagine you've just been diagnosed with some horrible disease and only have one year to live. In that year your body and mind will feel good, you can do whatever you like, and you also have the means to make any dreams come true. What are the top ten things you'd do in your last year of life?

Example:

1. Bull riding
2. Travel to Wisconsin
3. Knit
4. Eat excessive amounts of cheese
5. Spend time with my poker buddies
6. Finally with the annual hot dog eating contest
7. Go camping
8. Quit my job
9. Take up painting with my feet
10. Learn to play the oboe.

Next, I want you to visualize yourself winning the lottery, so much darn money you'll never have to work again, if you didn't feel like it. What are the top ten things you'll spend your time doing now?

Example:
1. Knit
2. Quit my job
3. Spend time with my kids
4. Learn to play the oboe
5. Hike the Appalachian Trail
6. Buy new sheets
7. Get a car with airbags and power steering (really on my list!)
8. Get my eyebrows waxed
9. Buy my friends a yacht
10. Finally taste a beer besides Budweiser

Now, look at your two lists and see which items appear on both. In the examples above, knitting, quitting the job, and learning the oboe appear on both. Hmmm, so if you didn't have much time left OR if you had lots of money you'd do those activities. Are you already doing them? Why not? Aren't you getting sick of your excuses? Pick an activity from your list and start doing it today!

Hangin' with Oprah

2009-04-30T09:48:00.009-04:00

You know what the most exhausting part of this blog is? Trying to think of catchy titles for the art projects. Therefore, today's project will be named whatever comes to my mind, I am not willing to spend a long time thinking about it.

Funky Folder Fashion

Yup, that's what I came up with. Let's see if it's accurate.

This was my idea: you've got to deal with all kind of folders and filing systems at work, and all your work papers are in these boring Manila-type folders:

But I thought it would be fun to make a collage on one, so when you have to go to that folder full of boring work, it would be a little pick-me-up.

Step one:

Locate a magazine (preferably the kind that does not arrive in a plain paper wrapping; you never know who will see your folder.)

Step two:

Starting cutting stuff out that appeals to you (doesn't Oprah appeal to you, too?):

Step three:

Find enough stuff to cover at least one side of the folder and paste it on and decorate:

I picked Oprah because I wanted to get a pep talk from her each and every time I looked at this folder:

She's telling me she loves my blog, wants me to come on her show, and wants me to move in her with her. Oh, Oprah, only if you want me to move into the Maui house. I have no interest in moving to Chicago, but thanks for the offer!

This is obviously, right? It's chocolate. It makes me feel better. It's been scientifically proven.

The reason I put this chick on my folder is to remind me how thankful that my job doesn't involve anything that requires me to be fully clothed yet covered in water. Come to think of it, my job doesn't require me to be fully clothed, period.

This project ties in nicely with my tip of the day, which is:

Remind Yourself How Awesome You Are!

This is not to say you should be come a self-obsessed, narcissistic person with no regard for anyone else. My suggestion is only that you remind yourself of your accomplishments and enjoy the glow you get from all that positive thinking.

What if you can't think of anything to be positive about, you ask? You hate your job and your family? Okay, well, did you manage to make it through the entire day without running over any innocent furry woodland creatures? Have you been nice to your neighbor or a complete stranger any time recently? I want you to make a list of at least ten things that you are proud of yourself for, and to keep it up for the next week. Make a new list every day with new things you've accomplished, and by the end of the week you'll have 70 things to look back on!

Hey, maybe if you're lucky Oprah will ask you to move in with her, too.

Fun with Foil

2009-04-29T09:30:00.010-04:00

What did you bring for lunch today? Ew, that doesn't sound all that appetizing.

Now that I work from home I just walk over to the fridge and pull out something that doesn't have anything growing on it and chow down, but back when I schlepped myself to the office I'd always pack something to save money. And when whatever delight I had was packed in tinfoil, I always found a way to turn it into something wonderful. Hence today's project:

Fabulous Foil is Fun

Step one:

Find some leftover used foil. There should not be any moldy food or funny smells associated with this foil, or you will live to regret it.

Step two:

Locate something you can cover in foil. A paperclip tray, mouse pad, co worker's Blackberry, etc. I chose a jar that I use as a pencil holder.

Step three:

Wrap foil around object. I noticed that when I started to do this, it looked like my pencil holder was wearing a cape, and it seemed to boost its self esteem.

Step four:

Take more pictures of the object, if you think it will make the object feel better. Notice my photos are light, dark, light, dark? I've got a strobe light going at all times. Helps me think.

Step five:

Finish wrapping foil around said object.

Step six:

Find some accessories to improve the look of your newly decorated objet d'art.

Step seven:

Enjoy!

My segue skills seem to be temporarily paralyzed, so I'm going to leap into my tip of the day for Living the life you want to live...NOW!

THE HAPPY BASKET

Find a basket. Put a foil cape on it. It's happy now. But the objective here is to make you happy, not the basket. You put a cape on, too. Now that you've done that, your goal is to notice what makes you feel good in your day to day life and put it in the basket. I'm not talking about illegal substances here, either! Maybe you read an article in Cat Fancy that revved you up. Cut it out and put it in there. Or you saw a program that really got you excited and thinking happy thoughts. Write down a brief synopsis of the show and put it in there. A picture of a beautiful garden or a gorgeous talk show host that make your heart swell, put 'em in the basket.

Do this for a full week. When the week is up, dump out the contents of the basket and look through them. What do you notice? Are there any themes? Does anything in the basket surprise you?

Take the energy you got from all of the things you put in the basket and turn it into something good for yourself. Start a hobby based on something you love, or join a team or club. Better yet, design your own life around the things that make you feel the most alive! This exercise seems silly and simple, but you might be surprised at what it teaches you!

We're All On A Budget

2009-04-28T09:29:00.008-04:00

One of the greatest benefits of working from home is that I get to wear cat-hair-covered pajamas all day, every day. The second greatest benefit is that I can take a break to watch Oprah. (If I'm on the phone with a client I just tell them what's going on during the episode, and coach them during the commercials.)

Yesterday's episode was something about decorating on a budget? I'm a little fuzzy on it since I was participating in the third greatest benefit of working from home: being able to take naps regularly, and missed part of the show.

It got me thinking about how you could improve the decor of your office using the ultimate budget-conscious item: office supplies paid for by your company. I present to you today's Office Supply Art Project:

Picture Frame Perfection

Step One:

Locate a picture in your office:

This picture was placed on my printer for the benefit of this photo; this is what's normally on my printer:

Cat hair is supposed to be good for electronics, right? And, FYI, this is what's usually on my lap:

Step Two:

Bring the photo into your hands and think about why you have a picture of a barn in your office. I was born in one, what's your excuse?

Step three:

Locate some office supplies.

Step four:

I decided to use Post-It Notes. See how I rolled this one up on itself? The sticky part makes it stick in this tube shape. You can do the same thing or use whatever you have on hand.

Step five:

Make more rolly thingys and stick them on the picture frame, if you're using Post-Its.

Step six:

Voila! Improved decor, on a budget! I know, I know, this looks kind of lame, but I didn't spend much time on this project because I actually like my job. (In case you're not sure what I do, I'm a life/career/wellness coach, writer, and blogger.) Since you probably want to kill more time, you can do a much better job than me when you redecorate your office.

Just in case you've decided you don't want to be stuck killing time with Post-It Notes for the rest of your life, how about following my daily "Live Your Life the Way YOU Want To" Tip?

When Time Flies

I want you to list five things you did as a child that made the time fly by. It can be anything, I just want you to get excited and in the mindset that life should be fun. Your list might include things like

Experimenting with your chemistry set
Riding your bike
Playing doctor with the boy (or girl) next door
Playing with your EZ Bake Oven
Drawing
Eating Broccoli
Building Forts
Selling Used Car Parts

Do you have five things yet? Okay, now I want you to list five things you do now, as grown up, that make you feel the same way. Here's my list:

Writing
Reading
Coaching
Blogging
Spending time with family, friends, furry creatures
Making art
Baking

Yes, that was more than five, but when I'm blogging not only does time fly by, but I forget how to count.

Please tell me you came up with five things yourself. If you did, awesome! How many of them do you get to do in your job? If it's none of them, can you think of a way to incorporate one or more of them into your current job or your future dream job? I don't care how ridiculous you think it sounds, I just want you to use that noggin of yours and get creative!

If you didn't come up with five things, look back to the list of what you liked to do as a kid. Can any item from that list find it's way into your adult list? You loved to ride your bike then, do you ride now? Why not? What about another outdoor activity like hiking or kayaking? It's so important to enjoy your life. Preferably your work and personal life, but for now I'd be proud of you for just integrating some fun and passion into your personal life, but the goal is to bring it into your work life, too!

That's all for me for now, I've got to remove a cat from my coffee mug now...

I'll Put My Paperclips in a Box For You

2009-04-27T09:08:00.014-04:00

Welcome!

Today's Office Supply Art Project is:

Bad Ass Business Card Box

Step one:

Get a pile of your business cards. Or your boss's business cards. If you do not personally have business cards, go to an establishment, say a sub shop, that has one of those containers on their counter that people put their business cards in hopes of winning a free lunch, and steal some of those. You'll need 7 total.

You may be wondering if you can always count on me to provide amazing photographic tutorials such as the one above. I will not disappoint you.

Step two:

See? More quality photography from Jen. Give me a break, I'm a life coach, not a photographer. So, what's going on in this step? I made this box more than 12 minutes ago, so it's already sort of fuzzy in my mind. Oh, okay, hold one card up to the other, but perpendicular, so you can cut two of the business cards to the right height for the ends of your box.

Step three:

Actually, this isn't a step, I just wanted you to see that now the other business card has been cut and is the same height as the other business card, but it just looks like a miniature light saber. It reminds me of the time, a couple weeks ago, when I had my pupils dilated and everything looked much brighter than it should have. My white cat looked like she had been sent down from heaven to give me a message from God. That message was "more kitty treats and less back talk, please."

Step four:

Layout the business cards in the above formation.

Step five:

Tape the cards together. I know you can't see the tape, but it's there. Try not to get too much cat hair in it like I did. It leads to an unprofessional final product.

Step six:

What the heck is that??? Oh, yeah, I'm folding the sides of the box up and taping them. You can do it, too.

Step seven:

Again, this isn't a step. This is just how the box might look when you're done taping up the sides. Yours might not look quite this professional, but with time you'll develop my level of skills.

Step eight:

Not a step. Again. This is another picture of my water tight box. Stop smirking.

Step nine:

Are we done yet? No, the box needs a lid in case you want to use it to contain important documents. Get one more business card.

Step ten:

Tape it on. Fill it with nuclear waste so it glows like mine.

Step eleven:

Put some stuff in the box, just so you feel truly accomplished.

You may have noticed from the photos an area rug under my work station. That is because I assembled my box on the floor of my home. I no longer work in an office, because working in them literally caused my soul to start seeping out of me, and it was terribly messy to keep cleaning up. So I quit. Actually, I quit to become a writer and life coach, and I feel well equipped to hook you up with some ideas on how you, too, can find a way to leave that soul-seeping job. So I present to you....

My daily "Live your life the way YOU want to!" tip:

What, exactly, do you want to look back on?

This is an essay question. I want you to close your eyes (unless you're reading this on your Blackberry, which is being held in one hand while you steer your car with the other) and picture yourself when you're quite old. Like 30. Okay, okay, be serious, Jen! Picture yourself around 80, or even older if you're ambitious and most of your meals don't revolve around bacon.

So, you're 80 years old, sitting on your front porch/sail boat/dragon and telling someone about your life. Think back to your current age and your current job and/or life situation. What do you want to say about the decisions you made at this point?

For instance, when I was at my previous job I was completely miserable, but kept putting off quitting because I was afraid. Afraid I'd run out of money, afraid my boss would be mad, afraid I'd let down my family. But when I let my mind sprint into the future and look back, I realized that if I kept staying in a place that tainted my whole life, and refused to pursue my dreams because I was afraid, staying at the job would not be the story I wanted to tell.

What story do you want to tell? Allow your imagination to travel, but keep your "rational" thoughts out of it. This is about your LIFE. The one and only life you're going to get in this body, with the talents you've been blessed with. Yes, I consider your amazing ability to make armpit fart sounds a gift. I'm not telling you to make a huge change today, I'm telling you to think, seriously, about what you really want to have experienced in your life.

Please try this if you're unhappy with your life! I don't even care if you make the Bad Ass Business Card Box!

I'm Back! And Better Than Ever! Possibly!

2009-04-26T21:15:00.002-04:00

Hi! I have taken a much-needed hiatus from the old Office Supply Art Blog, but only because I needed to get some fresh ideas and learn something valuable to share with my readers besides how to make animals out of toilet paper rolls and Post-It Notes. But believe me, there will still be plenty of that.

I've decided that I'm going to combine my love of passing the time at work making things out of office supplies with real tips for getting out of that boring job that drains the life out of you to the point where you'd actually rather make a necklace out of paper clips and wear it on a first date with a super model than finish your expense report and spend time with your boss going over why you, for the second month in a row, have charged over $60 a week for Krispy Kremes.

So! The new format will include a daily office supply art project for your time-killing pleasure and a valuable idea or quiz or inspiring story to help you figure out what you, Bob H. Vagabond, wants to do with your life. If you are just dying to get even more from me, check out my website www.JenTrinque.com, because you can also pay me to tell you this stuff if you'd like.

Here we go...

Scolding Me WIll Do Know Good

2009-02-18T13:23:00.002-05:00

I know. I am severely lacking in the "blogging every single day with some super awesome office supply art" category. You may have noticed, I was way more better-er at this when I was in a miserable, soul-sucking job when I had nothing better to do than make eagles out of Post-It notes and write about it "on my own time".

But now I'm, how do I say it, happy. And not bored. And feel free. And joyful. I have no desire to spend my days making office supply art anymore, I'm (sort of) sad to say. I LOVE what I'm doing. I work four days a week from home and am slowly building my life as a coach and am just in love with life now.

I am not planning on giving up blogging permanently, though, but I'll be blogging as a life coach at a new site - and if you're not careful you might learn something. My goal with the new blog is similar to my goal with this blog - to entertain you and show you life can be fun. Of course, with the new blog I'm just trying to get you hooked on me so you'll pay me for more information, but that's okay, right?

I'm also not giving up my dream of being published, or of having Office Supply Art published, I just have other things on the front burner right now. It's been fun. I may still pop in here over the next few weeks or months until my new website and blog are up, but don't hold your breath on seeing a blog post every day. Unless you have nothing else to do, of course.

Vision Boards Supply Art

2009-02-12T14:30:00.009-05:00

Is it cool if from now on I just write some phrase then add "Supply Art" onto it and call it good as far as a title goes? Like, "Pumpkin Muffin Supply Art", "Sandy Banana Supply Art", "Two Turtle Doves Supply Art", "Wow, That Mailbox Just Jumped Out in Front of Me Supply Art"? Good, I'm glad we see eye to eye on this.

So, by today's title you can tell that I was busy soldering together some new furniture for the life insurance company that I garden for.

Or maybe I spent the morning making a Vision Board, I can't remember. Thank goodness I took pictures!

Ah, yes, this is Nola, helping me. Both of the cats are awesome at helping me, whether I need help showering, eating dinner, washing dishes, sleeping, napping, typing, editing, whatever, they are right there for me. Coconut is keeping my lap warm right this second, just so I could be here to blog for you.

After Nola helped me put my vision board together, she gave it her butt-stamp of approval.

What is a vision board, you ask? It's pretty much a collage of stuff. But in this case it's not just any old stuff, it's what you want your life to look like. It's what you want to draw into your consciousness and make reality. Here's mine:

I bet you're wondering why there aren't any business suits, high heels, or Power Point presentations on there. HA! Not in my new life! Here's a closeup:

Which is still probably really hard to read, but I'll clue you in. That middle phrase is an affirmation I read from the book The Law of Attraction by Jerry and Esther Hicks. It's not a book about dating, no, it's about attracting what you want in your life. The affirmation goes, "I, Jen, see and draw to me, through Divine Love, those who seek enlightenment through my process. The sharing will elevate both of us, now." For those of you who think that is too out there, sorry, but I believe it! You also see someone petting a kitty, because that's one of the few things I am already spectacular at, there's a beautiful home, a view of the mountains, a gorgeous kitchen, and some flowers, which someone else will be keeping alive for me. Possibly they'll come in the middle of the night to tend to said flowers so I think it's all me.

Okay, here's more, there's some healthy food on there, a healthy chick who is doing some stretching, some words about inner peace, a landscaped space, probably designed and executed by the same person who breaks into my house each night to water my flowers, because Lord knows it's not going to be me doing it, and some happy and in love people.

Look, more! There's the top half of the yummy food, some money, which is being hung out to dry, so I hope that doesn't mean my future is going to involve money laundering, because I generally prefer to keep my crimes down to misdemeanors.

More words, "Your Best Life", "Get Inspired", and "Reach your peak!". Another picture of a nice house. I actually have three pictures of houses on here, I'll take any one of them or all three of them, however it works out. There is a dog on my vision board. I don't know why I put it there other than he was so darn cute I wanted him on there. I do want a dog someday assuming he or she can use the toilet, bathe him or herself, and entertain any future children I have with card tricks.

There are some other things on the board, a chick doing yoga with a cat, a tree with a poem, some pictures of laptops because I want one, another tree picture, some more pictures of strong, beautiful women (my intention is to be one of those women, not, you know, have one move in with me or anything).

My work here is done supply art.

Ocean Supply Art

2009-02-11T10:35:00.004-05:00

You know why I like making art out of stuff that comes from the earth? Because it takes little to no talent on my end. Let me show you what I mean.

Isn't this beautiful? These are all shells that were gathered on the beach in Vero Beach, Florida. They have been laid down on a piece of wood, for now, until a plan for them is developed. I was thinking that half of them should move to Mexico and grow corn and the other half should stay here and get green jobs created by the economic stimulus package. And they should all send their money back to me.

I'm missing the point here, where was I? Okay, so the point is that these beautiful shells, made by nature, or sea urchins or whatever, are perfect and gorgeous just the way they are! I could hot glue them to a roll of toilet paper and sell it at the local art gallery! You cannot ruin something this beautiful!

Here are some closeups. As always I'm showing off my finely tuned digital photography skills:

No, it's not my camera, the shells are fuzzy.

When I finally make something out of these I'll let you know. For now it's on to my real job, which involves me, my pajamas, a mug of hot tea, the computer, and fantasizing about my future. Seriously! This is my job now! I love it!

Back to the grind...

You Know What's Fun? The Weather.

2009-02-09T18:39:00.005-05:00

The weather for Big Pine Key, Florida, for the next week is pretty much the same every single day: High of about 76, low of about 68, partly cloudy. You know what partly cloudy means: sunny days with perfect, puffy, delicious white clouds floating around the clear, bright blue sky.

Why do I care about the weather on an island that is 1000 miles away? Because I like to hold a grudge, that's why.

When I was in the keys last week for vacation, the weather went more like this: Highs of 65. Lows of 55. If I was lucky. Unless you also consider it lucky to get to take part in Florida's historic record-setting low temperature streak? Yes? That's your cup of tea? Great, then the morning I woke up and the wind chill was 39 should be right up your alley! Did I mention the gale force winds (I don't know what the really means, but the winds knocked over my screened in tent thing, made my sandal-clad feet very freaking chilly, and also made our tent flap about in such a way that I thought it was about to take off for a trip to Jupiter, so I think that qualifies for "gale force")? Oh, and the terrible and severe thunderstorm that forced us to spend not only three hours in our van, but also to rescue everything out of our slightly leaky tent to spend the night in said van? Sleeping in a clammy, damp, cramped van on an air mattress that is bent and slightly elevated on one side (mine) because it doesn't really fit in the space it has been given is definitely an unforgettable experience.

But I'm not (that) bitter. We did cancel the 4 extra nights we had booked, skipped the Everglades, and shortened our vacation considerably. However, I did get some nice photos that could lead you to believe I spent the week in a tropical paradise.

Behold:Of course, these photos may also lead you to believe that the sun is perpetually setting in the Florida keys, and that it's always almost time for bed. You're right.

Actually, the vacation was a great success because I didn't do any damage to my delicate skin, because, you know, I didn't actually see the sun much. Also, do you remember how I felt the last time I came back from vacation? That did not happen this time, because I don't have to go back to the job that reminded me of Hades! In fact, on vacation I got totally psyched about all the awesome stuff I'm going to do coaching and developed a six week plan to get a firmer butt and great abs. Wait, no, I mean, for getting my website up, what kind of content I want to offer, and more.

Now it is time for me to sign off. I'll be back soon, I promise.

Camping Is Not For Sissies

2009-01-29T13:36:00.003-05:00

What exactly is a sissy? I just looked it up and it means an effeminate man or boy or a timid or cowardly person. Camping is definitely not for a coward, especially the longish camping trip Anthony and I are about to embark on.

I like to pride myself on being one of those people who isn't into material things. I haven't bought new shoes for quite a while (other than running shoes, those need to be kept newish so you don't hurt yourself), most of my clothes bear the logo of one of my former employers and were given to me for free or at a steep discount, and my truck is old enough to drink. Seriously, it was born in 1988.

Yet somehow when we start to pull out all of the junk we need just to take a simple camping trip and be able to sleep, stay warm, prepare a meal, and light a campfire, I become overwhelmed by the amount of stuff it takes! And that's not even close to all of the stuff that we have in our house! We have milk crates filled to the brim with canned goods and paper towels, bags stuffed with beach towels and underwear, and camping gear coming out of our ears.

That's why I say camping is not for sissies. You have to find it, pack it, cram it, yell at it, drive it hundreds or thousands of miles away, unload it, keep it (kind of) clean, repack it, wondering why you can't get it to fit back in the same damn way it was before, drive it another few hundred or thousand miles, unload it, clean it, leave it in the dish rack or on the living room floor for two weeks, and then put it away. Exhausting! But worth it.

For the next week or two I'll be sleeping under the stars and showering infrequently, but if I ever get a chance to hit an Internet cafe, I'll check in.

Baking with style

2009-01-28T15:45:00.004-05:00

Look what I made today out of paperclips, rubber cement, and number 2 pencils:

Hard to believe, right? Yeah, okay, it's really made from whole wheat flour, flax seed meal, molasses, brown sugar, and spices - it's a gingerbread cake!

I got all artistic with my photographs of it:

Well, at least I tried to. That way my blog would seem longer and you would be even more impressed than usual.

That's it for pictures of my cake. Did I say my cake? Whoops, I made it to bring to my parent's house for dinner tonight, so I guess it's "our cake".

I am mostly really impressed with this because it came out of the Bundt pan without breaking into a million pieces. I may make very delicious baked goods, but they are often not very attractive, it's kind of my calling card. Mmm, that carrot cake looks great, why is there a big dent in the middle? Oh, you dropped it when you were trying to get it out of the pan?

I am feeling more excited today than I was when I posted yesterday. I had my very last session with my life coach, Barbara, this morning. It was pretty much just a wrap up. When I started with coaching I had NO CLUE what I wanted to do and was in a job that made me feel awful. Now I'm free from that job and much, much happier, but it's time to get into the swing of things with my new career. I need to successfully hold a workshop and get some clients to get that sense of, "This is my career, look, I'm even getting paid to do it." All in good time. First I have to get tan (or less pasty, at least) in Florida.

Not Even Burritos

2009-01-27T19:13:00.002-05:00

In the end not even burritos could make my mini-sized workshop come together. My girls had conflicts with work and lack of sleep, which means I get to practice my material on...no one. Oh well. Luckily I have plenty to keep my mind off my lack of refried beans, salsa, and feedback. Like, oh, I kind of have to pee. And I'm kind of hungry. And the TV is loud and flashy and full of bright and shiny colors.

See? There is plenty to keep me occupied.

Okay, I'm kind of bummed. I just realized this is sort of the end of the first chapter of my self-employment and life change stuff. Tomorrow is my last day with my awesome life coach, Barbara. I do feel ready to move on, specifically because I've moved into my life coaching course and have buddies to coach and be coached by, homework, and lots of supportive people in my life. It's the end of my first experiment in the world of life coaching, since my workshop is now officially...umm dead? Or at least comatose until I come back from vacation and revive it.

When I get back from vaca it's time to refocus on what I can do to gain clientele, to keep myself motivated, to continue to get published, to increase my coaching skills, etc.

Change is pretty much a regular part of my life, as much as flossing my teeth, filling up my gas tank, pulling Coconut's tail. Some things in my life are more stable than they used to be. For one, I've actually lived in the same town for more than four years. And I've lived in my house for three years (to the day!). When I was in my late teens and early 20's I lived in tons and tons of states and in all sort of different apartments, rental houses, and tents.

This is a change I chose, and it's a positive one. And now I have to pee.

Burritos Will Make It Better

2009-01-26T14:59:00.002-05:00

After all my hard work of sitting around the house waiting for someone to decide to come to my workshop, I had to cancel it. I had to cancel it because no one signed up, save one friend who signed up because she is wonderful and one friend who signed up because I told her she had to come or there would be terrible consequences for her, and her little dog, too.

I'm not really all that disappointed about it, because now I don't have to stand up in front a group of people while wondering if I'm going to wet myself or if it's possible for my face to literally burst into flames because I'm so nervous and embarrassed. Now I just have to eat refried beans and tortilla chips.

Since I had to cancel the workshop but have a (my very last!) session with my life coach, Barbara, the next day, I felt the need to present the material to someone to get some feedback. After asking Nola and Coconut if they'd be willing to fill out the evaluation sheets for me and getting only a blank stare and a mouthful of fur from a tail in my face, I decided to ask the previously mentioned friends (Christy and Amy) if they would like to meet for dinner so we could catch up and I could practice my material on them.

I say I'm doing this because of my session with Barbara, and the fact that she's going to want to know how the workshop went and what I learned from my experience, but I'm really meeting with them for the food. The place where we're going has this incredible bean dip that they serve with their tortilla chips instead of salsa and the chips are always hot and fresh and the burritos come in all varieties and are out of this world...and okay, the food is a great incentive, but the real reason I'm doing the mini workshop is because I genuinely want feedback.

This is all very new and weird for me, the whole acting responsibly and trying to do scary things that make me want to throw up thing, because I generally avoid all new and scary experiences all together. If I have to experience them, I pretend they're not happening or I eat lots of cookies while they're happening so I still maintain (in my mind) that they're not happening.

So tomorrow night is a good stepping stone for me. I'm not actually standing up and giving a presentation to a bunch of people, but I am going to share my ideas, theories, heart, nerves, and handouts with my two friends to get their responses, suggestions, and maybe something I say will resonate with them and will spark my inspiration and desire to try, try again with another workshop in the future.

If not, at least there are burritos.

Hey Guess What

2009-01-22T22:27:00.003-05:00

I really did want to write a brilliant blog post about toilet paper, but I think it's just going to have to wait. First off, it's 10:30 at night and my brain is not at peak performance right now; that usually occurs somewhere between 8:47 am and the sixteenth time of the day Nola wants to go out, which is around 8:52 am. Second, I'm tired. Third, I'm wearing my glasses, which are older than most 6th graders, because my contacts were dry. Trying to truly function while wearing them is like trying to breathe through Jello. Jello with mango pieces in it.

I did have a good day - I got to hear the real, live voice of Martha Beck, life coach, author, funny person that I really look up to. She taught the first of the six sessions she, well, teaches, during our seven month course. I'm going to meet her in July when I go to the Martha Beck Coaches Conference in Chicago. That is going to be SO AWESOME.

So, tomorrow maybe I'll feel more inclined to write about something.

Stinky Fishy Kitty Couches

2009-01-21T15:36:00.004-05:00

Do you know what the most creative thing I've done today is? Sang a song to Coconut about how HORRIBLE her breath is. Seriously, I have no idea what is wrong with this cat. Good thing she is already spayed because Lord knows she's never going to snag a man with that fishy stink seeping out of her. Blech!

Actually, I also worked on a newsletter for my workshop.

LIVING JOYFULLY ON A BUDGET

How to enjoy life for less

	Register Now!
When: Tuesday, January 27, 6 to 9 pm Where: Oriental Pavilion at the Westgate Plaza Cost: $25 plus dinner (budget options available) Register: Contact Jen Trinque by Friday, January 23rd Contact: jentrinque@gmail.com 828-734-1422

View the flier!

Bring a Friend and Save! Mention this newsletter and register with a friend to get the special discounted price of $15 per person! Cost does not include dinner

Greetings!

I'd like to remind you that the Living Joyfully on a Budget workshop is only 5 days away!

Learn to live joyfully!

This workshop will help you focus your energy on enjoying what you already have in your life without spending a dime. I'll talk about simple budgeting tools to assist you in figuring out where your money is going, what you're really gaining by spending, and how to refocus your intentions and embrace what you have.

We'll also discuss ways to fit in some fun extras in life for less than what you'd usually spend!

Please join me Tuesday, January 27th from 6 to 9 pm for this fun, interactive workshop.

Living Joyfully on a Budget is only a workshop away....

Sincerely,

Jen Trinque
Joyful Coaching

Wow, I can't believe I was actually able to cut and paste this baby in here...we'll see how it looks up on the blog though! Okay, it looks totally weird on the blog, but I trust you to know it doesn't look so wacky in real life. Yes, I know, my phone number is on here, so if you do want to call me, please do it during waking hours. (Eastern Time, I'm usually awake and available and sober between 12 and 8 pm, with the exception of naps and feeding times and when I'm watching my soaps. Don't believe anything I say.)

You may notice I'm offering a two-fer. Yup, I've got NO ONE coming. Okay, one person, who is actually the freakin' CPA at the place I used to work (wait, if a CPA wants my help to live joyfully on a budget....) and I'm so relieved and thrilled to have her...but I need more people!

I sent this version of the newsletter to my life coach Barbara to get her feedback, then tomorrow I'm going to send it out. I'm going to see if I can think of anyone else to send it to...I just don't know that many people locally, and I'm certainly not meeting anymore by sitting in my pajamas reading books and blogging all day, not to mention singing songs to my tuna-breath cat.

Oooh, tomorrow is my second life coaching class and my first one with Martha Beck herself! She's a celebrity in my mind and I'm even reading another one of her books right now. It's going to be so weird to be hearing her voice, live! I also signed up for the coaches conference this summer where both she and Byron Katie will be appearing. Talk about exciting. For me, I mean. I don't know that it would excite the average person.

You know what, my couch is calling my name, sad and depressed since I left it to put on a batch of Spanish Rice, do dishes, and blog. I must return before it gets up and leaves me for good.

Not Much

2009-01-20T20:28:00.000-05:00

I didn't make any art today. I watched the art of the inauguration instead. And I finally learned how to spell inauguration, which was a rough road, let me tell you.

Tomorrow I actually plan on keeping the TV off and being creative...writing, reading, maybe making some art.

Until then...

Birthdays Birthdays

2009-01-19T09:28:00.005-05:00

Today I know three people who are celebrating birthdays. The first is my friend Daniela's husband, Attila. (He's from Hungary, where that name is absolutely completely run of the mill.) It's also my friend Christy's husband's birthday. His name is Vagan. He's from Arkansas, where that name is absolutely NOT run of the mill. I'm not making this stuff up. Last year I was with Vagan (and Christy and Anthony) on his birthday, on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, hiking in a canyon with mountain goats. Again, I am not creative enough to make this stuff up. I have no idea what he's doing this year, but I'm sitting in front of a computer screen with a sweaty T-shirt on and he lives outside of San Francisco now and has joined the Coast Guard, so I'm guessing he's not with any goats this year, either.

Last but not least, it's my dear friend Amy's birthday. I was lucky enough to have her over to my house on Friday night for an early celebration. Here she is with the cake I made her. Two things about this cake - she hates cake. So it's not cake, it's a brownie. Second, it's shaped like a cross because...it is. Don't be offended, Amy is a very faithful Christian and I promised her a religious birthday brownie this year.

I'm not sure why she looks so angry in the second picture...maybe she thought I hadn't made her a birthday card? She had nothing to fear:

It's a pop-out Jesus. He's amongst the universe, wishing her a happy birthday. Again, let me say that I honor and respect every one's religious beliefs and Amy was completely comfortable with this theme, she loved her cake, her card, and her present. Her present was the opposite of this cake and card, and I will NOT be posting a picture of it here, because it would cause her to turn a shade of red so deep and dark that her skin tone would, quite possibly, stay that color FOREVER.

She also gave me a present! It's a belated Christmas gift.

It's a cork board! With corks on it! Also, it had a gift card to my favorite grocery store, Earth Fare tacked to it. Very nice gift. Now I have something else that I will have in my office forever. (Two years ago someone I worked with had the prose "Desiderata" by Max Erhmann written in caligraphy and framed for me; it goes with my wherever I work now.)

I had one last gift for Amy:

Yup, I gave her Nola. Nola hasn't wanted to work lately and is not even washing dishes or taking out the trash anymore, so my only choice was to give her away.

KIDDING! Amy already has two dogs living in her home and I would never, ever part with my baby kitty. Wow, I really am one of those women who thinks her cats are her children.

Before I embarrass myself anymore, I'm going to go...do something. We're supposed to get snow later! I'm actually sort of excited about it because I don't have to drive and Anthony is going snowboarding tomorrow, so maybe the mountain will be good to him! I hope the roads aren't too snowy for him to go!

Nothing To See Here, Folks

2009-01-16T15:21:00.002-05:00

Hey, it's Friday! A three day weekend for those of you who work. And you are probably even getting paid for that day off! Lucky you!

Today I have been working furiously towards completing what I need to for my evening with Amy, who will be here after work. Monday is her birthday (hence the national holiday) and I have some birthday related goodness to give her tonight. I would post pictures and tell you more specifics, but if she reads this before she leaves work she won't be surprised, so I'll have to post pictures later.

Last night was my first life coaching telecourse, it was just intros and an overview, but I'm glad the time is finally here! It's going to take some getting used to - the being on the phone and focusing and learning thing. I'm very visual and like to see things in front of me, so I'll have to work hard when I'm on the phone to pay attention to what I'm hearing and try to absorb it.

Hey, I got a new TV! I'm not really into electronics, but the old TV busted and Anthony bought us a new flat screen - I feel fancy now. It almost feels out of place in my little house, but it's reasonably sized. Remember when people just had 12 inch TVs? And 19 inch TVs? Now our TV is 26 inches and it was one of the smallest TVs they had for sale. Oh, times they are a changin'

I'm going to be Frank with you, I mean, frank, I'm watching Ellen right now and thinking about what else I have to finish before Amy gets here, so I'm going to sign off now! Have a great weekend!

Creepy

2009-01-15T09:42:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, there were two of you who were wondering why I didn't blog yesterday. Was she finally picked up to be one of Howie's girls on Deal or No Deal? Did she finally hit the jackpot playing Keno at the Cherokee Indian Casino and split for Mexico? Or did one of her cats finally sleep on her face in such a way that she lost oxygen to the brain and is now working for Sarah Palin's campaign team in support of her 2012 bid for the presidency?

None of those things, my children, none of those things. I spent the day out and about, frolicking through the roads of Western North Carolina, searching for antiques and posting fliers about my budget workshop. Oh, and then when I got home I knocked my drink over onto the keyboard and Anthony disconnected it because it was covered in fermented grapes so unless I could telepathically communicate to the blog what I wanted written (and believe me, I tried) it just wasn't going to happen.

But let's start from the very beginning, a very good place to start. Yesterday was a quest for Anthony to find some old windows to make into those mirrors he makes, and to look for a little table to put his stereo one. I went along for the ride to go to town so I could get my fliers distributed. We were supposed to take this one back road to get there because supposedly there were some places along the way that might have sold the old windows. This road parallels the highway, just south of it. Instead we ended up north of the highway, way out in East Bummonkey. I have no clue how we ended up there. We did make it to our destination finally. Sort of. We had bad directions and never found one of the places we were looking for.

But, moving on, I did get some fliers handed in around town, and I was relieved to get that done with. Of course, people only have a week from tomorrow to sign up and so far no one has, but I am hopeful.

After we did that we went to some antique places and it was actually pretty cool. I never was much one for antiques, I did like that the places I've been to in the past smelled like my grandparent's house and that made me feel welcome, but I didn't like the stuff inside. Anyways, yesterday we found some cool furniture for the house we don't yet own that may or may not exist at this particular time. But it was still cool. Antique places really seem to be hit or miss though, some have great stuff, and some have things like this

The blurriness of the pic just makes it scarier, but why would you want this in your home??? Luckily I saw this towards the tail end of our journey, so I had already been impressed and thus a good impression had been made.

Okay, so we got home and first of all our TV is on the blink. It is, after all, ten years old, but now is not the time for it to stop working. It stops, it starts, it stops, it starts. And then I spilled my drink on the keyboard. It was a good night, really. Anthony went out and bought a new keyboard even though I spilled the drink, proving that he has even more good qualities than I ever thought possible. Also, he was telling a friend about the incident and he said, "We spilled a drink on the keyboard". I don't know how we together could have done it, but I'm glad he spread the blame around. Does that mean I can say "we" bought a new keyboard?

Okay, I am being distracted by our still not working TV and other various furry things, so ta ta for now.

Personal Grooming

2009-01-13T14:13:00.007-05:00

If there's one thing I love more than all that stuff I named yesterday, it has to be plucking my eyebrows and trimming my nose hair. What does this have to do with office supply art and my quest for inner peace? Not much, but it's the subject of the blog today anyways.

If you know me, you know I have some eyebrows. Everybody has eyebrows, I know. But mine, without semi-hourly trimming are like the browner, female version of Martin Scorsese's. The thing is, I'm not that great at the whole trimming, plucking, torturing, waxing thing.

I try to keep them to two scary brown caterpillars instead of one, but other than that I'm not big into the eyebrow maintenance thing. One time a hairdresser waxed them for me for free because she was so late starting my appointment. They looked great except for the red rash around them that lingered for two days.

Anywho, since I've got so much free time on my hands I decided to do some tweezing yesterday morning. As I was plucking away I noticed that something smelled really funny. Cat food funny. I had forgotten that I was too lazy to find the measuring cup to portion out the cat's dry food a few minutes earlier and instead had used my hands. And neglected to wash them. So now I was performing a very unpleasant task and smelling cat food at the same time.

I pressed on and my eyebrows look a little less scary for the moment. I decided that since I'd done that yesterday maybe today I'd take a stab at trimming my nose hair. The whole time I just kept thinking, "this would be a lot more fun if my hands smelled like cat food." Actually, what I kept thinking was, "Wow, I really hope I don't slip and jam these scissors into my brain. That would be a totally embarrassing way to die." Luckily I survived and now have a few less nose hairs.

Since I was so perfectly groomed, making some more tree art seemed to be the thing to do:

Thank goodness this turned out well, because this is what happened to my bread yesterday:

Before baking

It's 100% whole grain - I knew it wasn't rising like it should, but I hoped that in the heat of the oven it would do a little better.

Can you see how little it rose, even after all that time in the oven?? It didn't even expand to the edges of the pan and it's only a few inches tall! Also, I went to check on it at one point and went to turn off the oven light but apparently turned off the timer instead. When I went back to it I had NO CLUE how long it had been in there, so I just took it out. It's still pretty tasty, just little. Maybe some cat food would have helped?

Things I Love

2009-01-12T13:20:00.002-05:00

Do you know what I love? (Those of you who said pancakes, cats, hot showers, making fun of the television, being able to scratch a really bad itch in public without embarrassment, seeing my name in print, and making lots of money: you're right, but that's not what I'm talking about right now.)

I love not having to go to work.

It's kind of like breaking up with a boyfriend. You no longer have to be somewhere specific at a certain time or tell someone when you're not going to be were you said you'd be. You no longer have to take place in stupid rituals (like signing the birthday card of the person you don't know, contributing to the pool to buy some guy over in sales a retirement present, or showering everyday) and you definitely have more freedom. Even if the job didn't exactly prevent you from hanging out with your friends or wearing your hair a certain way, it certainly got in the way of you being who you truly are.

There are downsides, though, just like a break up. You no longer have something to do much of the time. You don't have someone to blame when you're in a crappy mood. You no longer get as much free stuff as you used to. You may not be able to afford a place to live and will have to move back in with your mother. But these are the sacrifices I was willing to make.

I am reminded by how happy I am to be jobless because my friend and ex co-worker, Amy, is back at work today after more than a week off (and she went on a freakin' cruise while she was gone!), not too mention she had quite a bit of down time prior to leaving because of the holidays. This morning she had 58 emails (which doesn't seem too bad) and her boss (my former boss) was already having a mild to moderate breakdown over something (my guess is they're out of Starbucks coffee again). I would not want to be Amy right now.

Me, I'm at home, in my bathrobe, preparing myself to take an afternoon nap, and scanning in a picture of what I started to draw this weekend:

Kind of hard to see, but it's a bunch of oddly colored trees with fall colored leaves. I might even work on this later, but I'm also making a loaf of whole wheat sandwich bread and doing some laundry, so I'm not sure if I'll get to it. See, it's not all naps and cat-petting for me.

I'm going to go now and get my hands a kneadin' and continue to thank my lucky stars I'm jobless.

Jumping the Kitty-Shark

2009-01-09T15:14:00.004-05:00

I am super thrilled with the way the copies of my flier came out. I would post them here, except they'd look pretty much the same as yesterday's image, and that would be cheating.

Since I don't have much to write about today (I made no art and didn't accomplish much in the way of engaging in my new career, unless you think eating oatmeal is significant) so I'm going to do something easy, instead.

Cat pictures. You know how they say that a show is "Jumping the Shark" when they do something totally lame and you know that's it for the show? Often times that lame thing is adding a new kid or pet to the show to keep it fresh...you don't think that's happening to me and this blog, do you?? Let the pictures give you the answer.

It's Coconut in the tub. If I do not close the bathroom door while I'm in the shower often she is waiting at the edge of the tub when I finish my shower, just dying to lap up some of that warm, dirty, possibly soapy water. I do not know why she does this but I gather it's common with cats. Nola does it occasionally and sometimes even drinks out of the toilet bowl! I wish I had a picture of that. Sort of.

So, you know, the pics have nothing to do with anything, but they're cute, right? I just haven't been productive today, but that's okay because I got so much done yesterday. Oh! I did get an email from someone who really enjoyed my WNC woman article, and she shared her Etsy site with me, she makes some neat stuff! Check it out. Anthony was teasing me the other day because I was reading a different email from someone who enjoyed the article so he said, "reading your fan mail?" I never thought about it that way, but it's kind of flattering!

I have nothing else productive to say here, so have a great weekend and hey, maybe you can make some office supply art since I've been lacking in that department so badly.

Making Fliers Joyfully On A Budget

2009-01-08T12:04:00.003-05:00

I thought I had my whole flier thing down pat. Meaning, I thought I could use this program online to do it and print it out and then go to Staples and get color copies made. Unfortunately, this fate did not await me.

Always up for a challenge reminiscent of 3rd grade art class, I made my own flier using only paper, rubber cement, a few swear words, a pair of scissors, some cat hair, and the inspiring words of Regis and Kelly. (Did I mention I love working from home? So much easier to watch TV if you're not afraid your boss is going to come into your office unannounced.)

This is what I came up with:

I think it works on a few levels. First off, it's sort of eye catching. Compared to the other fliers that will be up at the natural grocery store that are all covered in new age symbols and words like "Namaste", this bad boy will scream out, "read me, damnit!" Second, I think this says, "the person who made this flier obviously is living on a budget" I don't know if that's a good thing or not at this point, but hopefully the third thing it conveys is a sense of joy, which is what the workshop is all about.

I did black on my phone number on there for the web audience because, you know, I don't want you calling me in the middle of the night to ask how my cats are doing. If you want to pay me to coach you, that's a different story.

After my lunch settles and I do some more blogging, I'm going to give my business to Staples as planned, and make some color copies of this puppy. Actually, I guess it's more "kitty" than "puppy", considering all the cat fur stuck in it....

I Like My Chicken Fried

2009-01-07T15:32:00.002-05:00

I was driving home from my mom's house today, quite happy about my productivity for the morning, when a song came on the radio that is now stuck in my head, and I'm afraid it may have moved in permanently.

I'm super lucky because in this case the lines I have stuck in my head are about fried chicken. Who doesn't want to keep singing a line about a dead chicken that's been battered and deep fried over and over and over and over? This is what is currently short-circuiting my brain:

You know I like my chicken fried
Cold beer on a Friday night
Pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio uh-up

No more! I don't like my chicken fried! I don't even eat chicken, and I generally try to stay away from fried foods. I don't really drink much beer, either. A pair of jeans that fits just right? Who doesn't like that? And sometimes I like the radio up, but not when it causes brain trauma like it has for me today. My song would be something go something like:

You know I like my veggies stir-fried
Room temperature red wine on a Friday night
Pair of jeans that aren't too tight
On my booty-yyy

What do you think? Should I switch career paths?

Anywho, today I finally secured a place to have my workshop. I have been hemming and hawing over this decision for what seems like forever, but really it's only been since last year. Ha Ha. I am holding the workshop in a restaurant called Oriental Pavilion. Classy, right? I didn't have to pay for the room, I just have to make my participants eat there. By force, if necessary.

Actually, my life coach has held things at this place before, and she suggested it and I finally listened to her. Also, last night I went to a guided meditation run by a massage therapist and a Celtic Shaman (you heard me) which was wonderful and at the end the massage therapist said I could use her space for a workshop sometime. Awesome, right?

I haven't been writing much lately, I've been focused on this workshop stuff. I did enter a contest last week put on by Skirt! magazine and I'll know the outcome of that on Friday. Also, I had signed up to blog for them and they sent a little application back, so who knows, maybe I'll have another place to write. One of my goals for March is to have my website up and running and to self-publish some books and have them available on my site.

Things are looking up, my friends. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have a flier or some other visual to post here. Until then, you're just going to have to picture me in a pair of jeans that's not too tight on my booty-yyy.

I'm Going To Join A Band

2009-01-06T09:05:00.004-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the couch, covered in furry beasts, unable to move anything save my right arm. First I was reading, because one arm is all that's necessary, but then I decided I wanted to be creative. I twisted around (upsetting one of the beasts) and used my single good limb to grab the cool travel sketch book my mom gave me for Christmas.

This is the masterpiece I created:

Doesn't it make you want to quit your job and join a band? Or at least start screen-printing T-shirts in your basement?

I also did some writing yesterday and lots of reality TV watching. Lame, but true. I was home alone for the evening and all my shows were repeats, frustrating! So, sadly, I got sucked into watching part of The Bachelor while I read. Not the kind of quality programing that enriches the soul, that's for sure.

Today should be a less brain-deadening day. I plan on heading to the gym in a few, then I have life coaching with Barbara at 11, and if all goes well I hope to take off to Asheville with my mom after lunch to FINALLY reserve a space to hold my workshop. It's been super frustrating for me to get this organized - I hate making phone calls and this is my first time in this process, so of course it's a new challenge. I am proud to say I think I've made a decision and I'm hoping my life coaching session will clarify that for me.

I also plan on going to a guided meditation class tonight. I planned on going to one in December, too, but bailed, and I want to get off my duff and go this time. It's something about a Chakra meditation? I already told the boy we're having an early dinner, so I should be good to go.

Wish me a productive day...

Not Funny Anymore

2009-01-05T11:10:00.006-05:00

I haven't felt very funny lately. The blog hasn't been funny, I haven't been telling funny stories, even the cats aren't laughing at my jokes anymore.

One reason might be that I am no longer making office supply art and writing about it, namely because I no longer have access to lots and lots of office supplies and also I am not bored out of my mind anymore. I do have some paper clips and stuff lying around, but since I am happy these days, making landscapes out of paper clips isn't as necessary as it used to be. I think over the summer I may have perished if I didn't entertain myself, but these days I have other things to do. Somehow writing about these works of art made me funny.

Another reason the blog may be less funny is because I quit my job and can no longer afford to pay someone to write it for me. Hopefully by the end of the summer I can remedy that.

Until I'm either flush in the money department or I get bored enough to make a sculpture out of...something funny...I am going to have to find another way to amuse you. Like telling you about my housecleaning experience.

Today I was folding laundry and making the bed (which in itself is funny, because there was a cat under the covers so the bed ended up with a big lump in the middle of it, which I immediately disregarded) and thought, "how can I make this funny enough to blog about without resorting to juvenile humor?" I couldn't think of a way to do that, so instead I picked the obvious: I did something silly with my underwear.

Underwear is one of those things that just makes people laugh, right? Luckily over the holidays I obtained a few pairs of gift underwear, some of which are a slightly different style than I normally wear - namely when I put them on I can pull them so high up on my chest that they could double as a tube top. If I wore one out on the town with a pair of roller skates I could get a job serving Burgers and Fries in no time.

So I put them on. Over my clothes. And then cleaned the house. You know how people pay women to wear French maid uniforms to clean? Maybe I could start a business that involves me wearing giant underwear over regular clothes and scrubbing toilets. Anyways, I walked around wearing them, and I finally got a chuckle out of one of the cats! I wish I had a picture of the underwear extravaganza to show you.

I'm lying, I could totally take a picture of it right now and post it, I'm just not ready to embarrass myself that way at this time.

Phew, now I got nothing. I used up all my funny-mojo telling a stupid underwear story. Therefore, I am going to change the subject from my lack of funny to something completely different, and cross my fingers that you don't notice.

Guess what??? I got published again!

I wrote a column shortly after I left work, it's the one that Skirt! rejected because it didn't fit one of their current themes. After they didn't want it I sent it to WNC Woman, who published my last column. I hadn't heard anything from them and was wondering about it. At the same time I received the January copy of the publication in the mail, which was sitting on my entry table for days before I even bothered to crack it open.

When I did, last night, I started yelling and freaking out! There was a picture of me with my enormous underwear worn over my clothes on the front inside page! Kidding! But there was my name in the table of contents, in print again! I was having kind of a crappy day yesterday, so that was a nice surprise.

If I had a funny way to wrap this post up, I would certainly let you know.

Topics

2009-01-02T14:33:00.005-05:00

Topic One: A year ago....

A year ago I started working at that job I didn't like. You know which one I mean, right? I think I may have mentioned it a few (thousand) times here. The first day I was nervous, and by the end of the week I was in tears, but I thought that would pass. Sadly, it never did.

Have my working conditions improved since I left the job on December 5th? I'm not so sure, look what I have to deal with now:

It's Coconut. Staring me down. Because I won't pet her when I'm trying to write! What gives? At least my boss at my old job left me alone to work in peace. Those days are long over, let me tell you.

Topic Two: Less Than Perfect Day

I wish I could say that today I was filled with light, sunshine, unicorns, rainbows, Leprechauns, etc, because I woke up and didn't have to go to work. Not quite.

I wanted to go to the gym early, but the weather wasn't so great. That's okay though, I had a chance to write and was thankful I didn't have anywhere I absolutely had to be. But when I was writing I wasn't completely feeling the vibe, and I didn't care for what I wrote all that much, which is always a disappointment.

I did get to the gym and it was successful in that I didn't hurt myself on one of the fancy machines - although I did feel sort of pathetic when a guy who had to be in his 70's could lift more weight than me on the adductor machine. Oh well, I'm building up my strength!

When I got home I checked my email and the editor of a paper I'd been in communication with about writing a column or blog said my writing was good but since I'm not local he doesn't know if it will work out. Hey, at least there was a compliment thrown in.

After checking my email and eating lunch I was determined to find a place to hold my workshop. I have been struggling with which town to hold it in (the one with all the hippies or the one with all the rich, retired folk?) and also finding a reasonably priced place in whichever location I choose. I thought I found a place, but upon driving to it realized that my clientele might be scared off by the sketchy individuals around the place.

Sigh. Now I'm home drinking tea, without a place for the workshop I want to hold in just over three weeks....

Topic Three: Money Well Spent

I was really bummed out driving home from the failed location mission, but then I realized that I pay someone a lot of money to coach me on these things, so I went home and emailed my life coach, looking for guidance and suggestions. That made me feel so much better!

I am proud of me - I'm pursuing something new and scary and I didn't fall into a black abyss of funk when it didn't work out right away. My life coach is certainly money well spent and I hope I can be that helpful to someone in the very near future....

Topic Four: Soup

My bosses (Nola and Coconut) are oddly out of sight at this point, so I'm going to take the rest of the day off. No more blogging, writing, or pressure to make art or be brilliant. I'm going to go make some soup and read. And that's it.

Oops, I spoke to soon. Coconut has requested I pet her immediately. Soup will have to wait...

New Year New You!

2009-01-01T17:21:00.004-05:00

The first day of 2009...Nola woke me up early because she wanted to snuggle (actually a nice way to start the new year). After I got out of bed I realized it was too darn cold to go outside and run (but the rec center is offering 14 free days at the gym, so I did that instead). I also started a new blog today. One of my resolutions was to write in a gratitude journal every single day, so I am hoping that if I am also blogging about it every single day I'll keep it up! Also, I hope others will read it and be inspired and join me.

This is my first entry:

But this is the only time I'm going to post it here, you'll have to check out the other blog to see what I'm thankful for!

This time of year the TV and radio and Internet are absolutely chock-full of advertisements about being a better you, a new you, a thinner you, a younger-looking you, etc. I love the idea that everyone around the world is collectively resolving to improve themselves...but oh, how quickly it fades. I tried not to make any huge and sweeping resolutions for the year, but I certainly hope to make lots of art, do lots of writing, publish a few things, and start my life coaching business.

Also, I'd like to see my sink free from dirty dishes more frequently, so I guess I better get to work to make the resolution come true...

Another Day In Paradise

2008-12-31T16:25:00.002-05:00

I am so thankful that I am not at work today. If I hadn't quit my job I'd be back from a long trip and really bummed out to be working all week.

A year ago was my second-to-last day at the historic inn where I spent three years before leaving for the Job of Doom. Every New Year's they'd have a big party with music and food and I'd usually work the front desk that night so I could be part of the celebration. Guests would give me free food, champagne, and the same crowd came year after year; it felt like one big family. I miss that this year, tonight I don't have any plans and I don't even know if I'll stay up until the clock strikes midnight. Usually I would work the morning shift the next day, too, to either wish people a happy new year and a safe trip home or in last year's case, to say goodbye to everyone I'd worked with over the years.

However, tomorrow morning I wake up to...well, nothing. Just me and my choices. I've resolved to write a gratitude journal for the entire year of 2009. I know this will be a great year. I've been blessed, even with the hardships I've encountered, that my last few years have all been wonderful, even if parts of them were painful at the time. Then again, I think it's all in the attitude we have towards things. If you can see a crappy experience as a chance to learn about yourself and grow, then nothing seems too terrible.

Happy New Year!

It's Been A Long Time...

2008-12-30T16:25:00.004-05:00

I'm safely back at my abode with my cats, plenty of underwear and my own kitchen to prepare food in. If I had to pick one word to sum up my trip up North, it would be: whirlwind. That's one word, right? If I could pick two words for the trip they would be: crazy and busy. But hey, it's my blog, so I can use as many words as I'd like.

Day one involved tears, a stomach ache, a hotel in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania, and lots of surfing of really terrible radio channels. Day two involved ice on the roads and our rental car, rain, and traffic in NYC that instantly reminded me why I don't live up yonder any longer. Day three, Christmas Day, involved way too much food, but luckily I was able to keep my cookie consumption very low. Day four involved seeing family I haven't seen for a long time and doing lots of talking, here's a pic of me with Anthony and my Dad's gal pal, Mel:

Day four involved rain and fog and some delicious thin crust pizza, and I was instantly reminded why I miss the North so much. This day also involved incredibly overpriced spaghetti in the Hamptons. Long story. I had enough pasta on this trip to choke a horse, as they say. Day five involved fog and a tough decision - whether or not to take off early and skip some previously planned engagements. We left and ended up spending the night in Virginia. Day six was six more hours of driving but with a prize at the end: cuddly cats (except Coco was a bit standoffish) and my own bed to sleep in. It's good to be home.

Today I had life coaching and firmed up my dates for my seminar and worked on a timeline for when I have to have certain things done. I did a great job of being present and enjoying myself on the trip, I want to maintain that focus on the "now" while I'm here trying to make this life for myself.

After coaching I called around to find some places that would be appropriate to hold my shindig and then Anthony and I went for a short hike because it's so warm and beautiful here!
This is the view from the parking lot at Water Rock Knob, off the Blue Ridge Parkway.

This is my truck enjoying the view, too!

So warm and sunny, we stopped on the way to the hike to sun ourselves.

Only one day left in 2008, a darn fine year.

Early Christmas

2008-12-22T17:24:00.007-05:00

CrazybusyahhhowamIgoingtofinisheverything?!?!?!?!?

Phew, sorry about that. Tomorrow morning we leave to go to both New York and Connecticut for the holidays. I will be meeting Anthony's siblings and mom and and friends and such, and he'll be meeting my dad and grandmother and uncle and the parents of one of my friends who have been kind enough to extend their home to us for a night.

Today, however, we had to clean, pack, etc. Oh, and I had to make a lasagna because we were celebrating Christmas with my mom and step dad a few days early, since we'll be away on Christmas day. Actually, making the lasagna and doing the celebrating was really fun, not stressful at all.

And I love presents! This was a little silly something my mom gave me:

I was incredibly excited when I saw this. I know, I know, I'm easily excited. I absolutely love this kind of paper - it's black....

....when you draw on the black...

...the swirly colors underneath show up. Yes, I love swirly colors. I haven't gotten to play with paper like this since about the third grade!

We gave Mom and Joe one of the mirror-windows that Anthony made and a sampler plate of the cookies we'll be bringing up north to distribute:

This is what I did for six hours on Saturday. Baked and rolled and thumb-printed and wrapped and sprinkled and, phew, it was a long day. I made ginger cookies, rugalech (which came out flat!), almond shortbread cookies, magic peanut butter middles (the chocolate ones), and raspberry oatmeal bars. They are all packed safely away in tins. Which is a relief, because I think I've had one too many cookies this holiday season and I do not need anymore!

And this is the kick-butt lasagna I made. Mmmmm. Lasagna is a Christmas tradition in my family and I've taken over the honor of making the main dish. There is enough spinach in this thing to make Popeye do somersaults. It was delicious. We left most at mom and Joe's since we're leaving tomorrow.

Lastly, I finished this tree project by painting the frame and gluing the glass to the wood:

That's all for now...my attic door is being yelled at and I think I might need to go intervene. Happy Holidays, I probably won't get back to blogging until Tuesday, December 30.

Boxes and Rainbows

2008-12-19T15:21:00.003-05:00

Newest project:

This box was once filled with a variety of teas, and I've kept it for a couple years now because I thought I'd be able to use it for something. Today that something finally occurred to me. I painted the squares different colors and the cross bars between them white. The plan (though I must warn you, almost all of my plans, especially art-project related, turn out differently than I anticipated) is to make a polymer clay tree or leaf for each box, and up top to make a polymer clay background with a yarn tree. We'll see.

Last night I did not sleep well. I was awake for two hours in the middle of the night. Finally I got out of bed and wrote down some of the things that were on my mind plus ten things I am grateful for. It keeps dawning on me to me to start a gratitude journal, so hopefully soon I'll get my hand to pick up a pen and start doing that on a regular basis.

I woke up this morning still feeling anxious and with many things on my mind, mostly pertaining to the workshop I want to hold. I called a few places to find a space, I think I have one, although it's not a free one. I am noticing my constant struggle to find purpose or meaning or achievement in my day. I'd like to be like an animal - my cats do as they wish, sleep when they feel like it, eat when they're hungry, play when the mood strikes them. We humans are so full of thoughts and choices and ideas and goals. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes I just have to remind myself to SIT STILL and just breathe.

Today the weather is choosing to succumb to peer pressure and be just like the days before it; on and off rain, fog, with warm temperatures for this time of year. We went for a walk and this is how it went: Started out pretty dry, with some drops here and there. Got rainier, had to put our hoods up. Got really rainy, to the point where Anthony asked me if I wanted to turn back. I said no, I preferred to finish the loop. Shortly thereafter the sun popped out for a moment and wouldn't you know it - a faint rainbow. Moments later there was more drizzle and the rainbow disappeared from view. Time passed, the rain cleared again and the rainbow reappeared, much brighter, bolder, and clearer than it had been. It did fade away again, but at the very end of the loop, almost back to the vehicle, both the rain and the rainbow made one last showing.

Prepare yourself for a cheesy metaphor, okay? This walk reminded me of life, particularly of the journey I'm currently embarking on. I decided to start even though I'm not completely sure what's going to happen, or even if I can even make the whole trip without turning back. Things get rougher, sometimes so bad I wonder if I should have started this in the first place. After waiting it out for a while, something beautiful happens that makes me think it was all worth it. Shortly thereafter, the beauty fades and I am once again cast into dark clouds and doubt. That is, until all of a sudden, something even more wonderful happens, convincing me everything will be all right for good this time. Of course, that's not true, either. Both the good and the bad, as we perceive them, are always around us. It's really about which we choose to look for and if we're willing to look for anything in the first place.

Today I got my last pay check from work. This is it, now I'm really on my own. I hope I can see the rainbow-covered part of life as often as possible.

Little Red Corvette

2008-12-18T18:06:00.002-05:00

My days continue to slip away from me....

Today I wasn't nearly as productive as yesterday, although I did work on some of the Christmas cookie dough I'll need for my baking extravaganza this weekend, and I picked up some tins to put the cookies into once I'm done.

During my life coaching session last Tuesday I decided I'd hold a little workshop called "Living Joyously on a Budget", because I have so much experience concerning that particular subject. Okay, I'm not so sure that I "decided" to hold one, but my life coach brought up the subject when we were discussing a piece I'd written about it, and it sort of grew from there. This is why I have a life coach! So she can encourage me and give me good ideas. It has really taken this life coaching process to help me see that some of the things I do naturally, such as listening to others and being interested in helping them live a happier life, budgeting, writing, I wish I could think of something else right now, but I can't, could actually be helpful to others.

I take my talents for granted, that's for sure. In fact, I think we all do. We think that if it's easy for us to run a five-minute mile it must be a snap for everyone. We think that if are spectacular proof-readers it's no big deal. And if we can make kick-ass balloon animals, well jeez, a four-year-old could do that, right? Not necessarily. We need to acknowledge and utilize our talents, that's why we were born with them!

I'm doing all the ground work for the workshop now, writing up on outline of what I'll cover, emailing to find out about spaces for rent that I can use to hold this hoe-down, writing up worksheets I'd like to hand out. I'm writing about it here and telling people, so I guess I'm really serious about it. I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit scared of public speaking, mostly because I turn a shade of red normally reserved for mid-life crisis convertibles. The worst part is everyone can tell I'm embarrassed, which makes me feel even more terrible. At any rate, I'd like this to be a group activity with lots of interaction and other people talking. I hope I don't throw up. Or worse, cry.

Honestly, I think I will be good at this. I think I have good ideas and all of this is happening for a reason. I might even be able to find some people to help one on one with this subject, and maybe I'll bring in a little bit of money and can pretend like I have a job!

Busy Oven!

2008-12-17T16:03:00.010-05:00

Another busy day for the Unemployed One! My days absolutely fly by now! Since it's the holiday season I get to add baking into the mix of writing, reading, cat-harassing, walking, and making art.

A few weeks ago an email appeared in my inbox from my mom and step dad's email address, titled "Fw:Recipe". Joe was kind and thoughtful enough to email his sister to ask her for a recipe he enjoyed as a...boy or man or something and wanted to taste once again. As soon as the recipe was received, it was immediately sent to me, since I'm the only one in the family who can prepare a food item if it doesn't involve the microwave. Okay, okay, I'm not trying to be cruel here, both my mom and step dad are highly capable of using the toaster, too.

I'm not kidding when I say I'm very happy that Joe assumed I would be willing to make these cookies for him, and also assumed I'd be capable of taking on the task. He loves food and I love making it for him, so it's a good partnership. Not to mention the $20 he kicked in so I could buy the laundry list of ingredients needed, which included Maraschino cherries and raisins.

It was an arduous process, mostly because I didn't have a picture to look at. I prefer looking up recipes online to getting them written down or mailed to me because if I can see what it's supposed to turn out like I know where to start.

At any rate, here's step 132, after the dough is made, chilled, rolled, flattened, sweared at, thrown on the floor, picked up, has the cat hair picked out of it...um, wait, you didn't hear that from me. After you've got your square of dough you press all of the ingredients into it, like so:

Then is the really hard part - rolling it into thirds without losing all of the stuffing and while there are two cats threading themselves between your legs. It should (I hope!) look like this:

Then I baked them and after they were cooled, sliced them into bars:

They're supposed to have powdered sugar on them, but I was out, hopefully they're still good without it!

After that project I got back to my art project. My concept was a polymer clay background with a yarn tree with polymer clay leaves on it in the foreground. Here is a closeup of the leaves I made:

And this is the background:

Both of those items were baked in my very busy oven to harden them. After that I assembled the project:

And put it in the shadow box I bought the other day:

I'm not so sure I'm finished with it yet. When I am I'll glue the glass on, but I'm not ready to make it permanent yet.

Phew! Time to go get ready to bring the cookies over to the 'rents house...and get a free dinner. I love free dinners. (In case anyone feels like sending me one.)

Who Woulda Thought?

2008-12-16T19:19:00.002-05:00

I'm exhausted again today! I woke up at six, worked on my art project, took an hour long walk, made more art, had a VERY productive life coaching session, made more art, then left with a friend to accompany her on a Christmas shopping trip.

I am not a very good shopper. I like food shopping and art-supply shopping, but that's about it. By the end of this particular outing I was woozy and tired and hungry and grumpy. Now I'm home eating dinner and feeling too lazy to take a picture of the art project I'm working on in order to post it here.

Who would have thought that once I was out of a job I'd be even busier and less likely to get to my blog first thing? Oh well, tomorrow I will have pictures of my project and maybe pictures of some Christmas cookies if I get working on them...

I'm In Love

2008-12-15T19:15:00.003-05:00

With my kitchen. Just so you know. Anthony painted it and then today we bought a new curtain for the kitchen window - with lace. What is wrong with us? I'm starting to feel very grown up, which is not like me. I might be out of a job, but keeping up a nice home really makes me happy. The outside yard isn't as nice as the inside house, and that doesn't make me happy, but luckily I'm good at selective seeing. I can't see that I need new gutters, for instance, and some serious landscaping, and more rocks for my driveway. Oh and that there are still leaves that fell two months ago lying around in the backyard. But back to the kitchen, which I'm in love with! I spend a ton of time in there and I might as well enjoy it. All it took was a couple of coats of paint and some new dish towels to make a big difference.

I had a nice weekend and a nice Monday (Ha! When is the last time you heard me say I had a nice Monday?) On both Saturday and Monday I hung out with my mom and we visited some various communities with nice arts and crafts shops - it really inspired me. Today we went to a big craft store to which I had a gift certificate (thanks, Dad!) and I stocked up on some yarn and polymer clay, and I bought a shadow box frame for a new project idea...

I'm feeling good about this week, I'm going to be doing some Christmas cookie baking and lots of art, plus on our hunt today we discovered two more publishers that appear to produce the kind of book format that would work for my little beauty, so I'll look up the details on submitting to them.

I'm exhausted now from my long day and have to do some more computer work in preparation for our trip up north next week. NEXT WEEK!!! I haven't been to Connecticut in four years, I cannot wait to see it! And of course my family. Not to mention the fact that I'm going to eat pizza. Yes, we have pizza in North Carolina, but come on, it's not real pizza (no offense intended). I will probably consume pizza for as many meals as I possibly can, including breakfast and midnight snacks, I promise I'll take pictures. Maybe I'll make art out of it.

Version 17 Zillion

2008-12-12T17:50:00.003-05:00

Hey, it's Friday. I don't have to sing "Everybody's Work-in' For The Wee-kend" in my head all day anymore, because my week is just as nice as my Saturday and Sunday.

You know how it's been, oh, 20 weeks since I submitted my stuff to Ten Speed Press? Well, it turns out they're up for sale and no one has been in charge for months. So my beautiful idea is sitting on somebody's desk somewhere, wasting away. Better than being eaten by those rabid badgers as I'd feared, I suppose.

I worked on this tree AGAIN today. Version 17 zillion. Now it has polymer clay mountains and sky.

It's still not finished, though. More work later.

Also, I started another blog today. It's through my local paper and I haven't figured out a way to link directly to it from here yet, but when I do I'll post it.

It's almost six on a Friday night and I don't exactly have much planned for the weekend...maybe some cookie baking in preparation for the holiday season? Maybe some more napping? Oh, which reminds me, I'm not napping nearly as much as I thought I would. Perhaps I only dreamed of napping because I couldn't, but now that I can I don't need to?

One of life's great mysteries...

Unproductive?

2008-12-11T14:09:00.005-05:00

I'm feeling kind of grumpy and unproductive today, and I'm going to blame that on the fact that this is the second or third or bazillionth day in a row of rain and I miss the sunshine. It's also possible that I should be blaming this cranky-pantsness on myself, but I don't feel like doing that right at this moment.

I think I have a good excuse for blaming the rain. Wanna hear it? Okay, this area has been in a drought for the last few years; in fact it started shortly after I moved to the area. Therefore, I've become accustomed to experiencing and enjoying mostly sunny and dry Western North Carolina days. That means I can go outside and be active and enjoy the sun almost every day. For the last few days this hasn't been an option. Okay, I did go walk yesterday, but where was my friend the sun??? I know, I know, we're very short on water and I am selfish. But I am also cranky, so now is not a good time to bring that up!!

I think I may also be cranky because last night I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. I LOVED this book. I am convinced I should be very good friends with the author, Elizabeth Gilbert (bet she hears that 12 times a day! "Oh, Elizabeth, I feel like I know you! We should be best friends! Please love me!) Reading this book has greatly increased my desire to meditate regularly, so last night before bed I did so, but it made me feel all wacky and disoriented. Isn't meditating supposed to have the opposite effect? I fell asleep while meditating and then woke up and then went back to sleep but in a funny position, so when I woke up my legs were asleep and I was immediately convinced they'd be that way forever, so I freaked out and got up and walked around and then finally went back to bed, though I woke up quite a few more times.

Wait, where am I going with this? Oh, right, I'm cranky and it's not my fault. In my crankiness I did continue to work on this project, though.

And then I got super creative, or something, and now it looks like this:

And I had some leftover paint, so I also started this project:

And then I blogged while I ate lunch. Hey, maybe I'm not as cranky and unproductive as I was claiming.

The thing is, what the heck am I producing?? What am I going to do with this weird art? Who is ever going to be interested in reading anything I write?

I know, I know, it's normal to worry about this stuff. Us creative types have to freak out every once in a while (at least three to four times an hour) to feel like we're leading a meaningful life.

I do have something to look forward to, because the rain seems to have stopped for long enough for me to take a walk, even if the sun isn't out.

And by the way, being at home being unproductive and grumpy is, oh, ten trillion times better than being at work and being unproductive in grumpy, in case you were wondering.

Um, wait, it's pouring out now...

All In A Day's Work

2008-12-10T16:26:00.003-05:00

Busy day today. Let me back up to yesterday, though. I did go to visit my friend and her son for quite a few hours in the afternoon. At first her two-year-old son wouldn't talk to me, but once I danced around in the kitchen in front of him, to music performed by barnyard animals nonetheless, he opened up to me. Daniela fed me lunch and we even watched part of a classic Romanian children's movie called "Veronica". I think that's what it was called, anyways. It was all in Romanian, after all, but it was a musical and I love me some show tunes. (Oh, Daniela is from Romania; she doesn't just drive around looking for foreign language musicals for fun.)

After spending the day with them I did not feel like attending the guided meditation class in the evening, even though I promised myself I would go. After calling myself lazy, silly, un-dedicated to improving myself spiritually, and a few other choice phrases, I told myself to shut up and went home to eat ravioli and play Scrabble with Anthony (I lost one and I won one).

Today I woke up excited to write more and research other ways to get my work out there. I submitted yet another article; this one to an online thingamajig, and I also spent lots of time petting Nola. A very good morning indeed.

I spent the afternoon walking and then came home to find a rejection e-mail from Skirt! magazine pertaining to the essay I just sent them on Monday. Meanwhile, the one I sent seven weeks ago is still floating out in the middle of nowhere without a response from them. I felt a little stung, but then I remembered what Martha Beck says about the "Hero's Saga" stage of our journey to find ourselves. Well, I can't quote it, but it's something along the lines of, "Get out there and start failing." Once I remembered that I felt pretty good. I must be doing something in an effort to work towards my dreams if I'm already getting rejection letters during my first week of being home.

After I recovered from that trauma I started to paint. This is what I have so far:

This isn't going to be just a painting though; I'm going to add texture and polymer clay and other bits to it, but for now it's drying. This is so much fun! I do have one complaint about being home, though. I have to work under really awful conditions:

This is the seat from which I type and paint. I'm not even allowed to have it to myself; instead I must share it with Coconut, who is extremely depressed that it's raining today and she can't sun herself outside. Instead she must make my life more difficult.

Thank goodness she's cute.

This Is How We Do It

2008-12-09T09:06:00.002-05:00

Last Friday, after my last day at work, Amy and I went out and about in Asheville. We started at a wine bar and ate some appetizers and laughed and talked and also exchanged presents. You saw what I gave her on my post last Friday, but do you know what she gave me? A bag of socks.

At work I often wore black dress pants. Unfortunately, I didn't own any black socks, so I would regularly be wearing dark socks that just didn't quite match. Such as navy, or brown, or grey. Amy used to kid me that she would buy me black socks, but I would always say, "I'm never wearing black socks once I get out of this job, or any other ugly socks, either, so don't bother." So when I opened the gift from her I was very happy to see four pairs of bright, lively, happy, striped socks.

This picture is pretty much a representation of how I'm going to do things now that I am working from home:

Notice the old, ratty slippers. I don't have to wear shoes if I don't feel like it. Then notice the knee-high orange and red striped socks. Amy was worried I wouldn't want socks that went up so high, but I'm all for them. And of course, as always, my blue reindeer pajamas will be worn when I am at home. Not everyone working from home can hope to be so classy. By the way, I don't usually wear the pajamas rolled up to my knees, that was just so you could see my socks.

In other news, last night Mom and I went to see the Downtown Waynesville Christmas Parade. There is just something fun about the kind of hometown-parade you see here that you just don't see in the big cities.

For instance, this parade was mostly a series of advertisements for county officials, churches, local companies that sell golf carts or motorcycles, dance studios, etc. Most displays either involved a giant truck with some lights strung on it with a sign about who was riding inside or in some cases, kids from a dance troupe doing a little performance, or the high school marching band coming through playing a Christmas song. My favorite though, was the float that was made up of a Port-O-Potty covered in lights being pushed by a little motorized cart that had some sort of lit up animated figure waving from it...I couldn't tell what the figure was supposed to be...but it was brown. Who puts a portable toilet in a Christmas parade??? Who cares??? It was great.

Today I am going to visit a former co-worker and her young son. Now she can just be my friend, I'm not her boss anymore! I'm also going to a guided meditation tonight with another former co-worker, I am hoping a guided meditation will stimulate my desire to meditate at home. I'm currently reading Eat, Pray, Love, and the author, Elizabeth Gilbert, talks about the way she struggled with meditation but over time how she was able to sink into it. Of course, she spent four months at an Ashram in India, studying under a Guru, and I'm spending who knows how long at my house in North Carolina, studying under two cats, but hey, it could work for me.

Time to take a shower and prepare for another day of Just Living Life.

Unemployment Shunemployment

2008-12-08T14:18:00.003-05:00

Three people have already asked me today how how I like being at home instead of at work. No, four, actually.

Sometimes I answer while jumping up and down with my arms above my head, sometimes while doing an Irish Jib, and sometimes I answer with a simple, giant smile on my face, but I always say, "I LOVE IT!!!!!"

I don't say all the exclamation points, but I think the people asking me understand my enthusiasm.

Last night I poked Anthony until he looked at me and then I said, "Look, it's a Sunday night and I'm smiling!"

This morning I got up and immediately went to the computer and started writing an essay to submit to Skirt! magazine and now, less than 7 hours later, I've already completed it, had my mom edit it, and sent it off. I love the Internet. I love writing! I am seriously cheating on my first creative love, visual art, but I just don't care.

I also had a life coaching session this morning and we ironed out a few goals for me to work on. My coach talked to me about self-publishing, which she has experience with, and about some reading I can do about creating multiple streams of income when I become a coach. I was hoping my multiple streams of income would be writing, life coaching, baking cookies, petting my cats, and napping, but hey, I'm open to other ideas.

I cannot express how strongly I know this was the right thing for me. I simply do not care that the economy is in the toilet - all I can do is live this life in a way that feels satisfying to my soul, and right now, this is the way.

The End! Free At Last! It's Over! I'm Done!

2008-12-05T17:07:00.000-05:00

In case you couldn't figure it out from the title of this post, I'm done with my job! I spent 11 months there and tried my hardest to make it fit, but I just couldn't ignore my own intuition. I made it, I left my position on good terms, my boss took me out to lunch one last time today, all is well.
***
Although I'm starting to have to try harder to ignore how scary this really is, I have never once regretted putting in my notice and deciding to start this new life. I am going to try to make a living doing what I really want to do, which includes the things that make me feel alive and excited when I even think about doing them!
***
One thing I will truly miss about my job is getting to see Amy so much. Tonight she's taking me out for wine and appetizers and we're going to exchange presents. Amy refers to them as "Go Away" presents, which is fine with me. The reason I'm posting this so late in the day is that I don't want her to see what I made for her before she actually opens her presents:

This present is the most awesome, I think. It's a folder full of activities - I made her one activity for each week for the next six months! This is a word search for her to complete around her birthday:

This is a crossword puzzle about...nothing in particular. I'm not good at having a theme like the NY Crossword people. Maybe in my next life!

Here is a snowflake word search:

I also made quizzes, drawing assignments, and lots of other stuff that wouldn't photograph well.

This is her next present:

Remember when I made this and she asked me to give it to her, framed? For once her wish came true and I did something she wanted me to.

This was her last request:

Peanut butter cookies! These were fun to make and I always enjoy cooking for loved ones. She falls into that category for sure.

I'm going to sign off now, and when I'm back on Monday I'll be starting my first official "work" day in my new life. I have a life coach appointment set up to touch on my career goals and I hope to read, write, make art, pet my cats, nap, and stay calm about the fact that I have no income!

I'm so happy!

So Much Time

2008-12-04T13:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, while I was training my replacement, I drew this. Yes, I had that much time.

He was actually working on compiling a big monthly report that I used to have to do, so I mostly was just sitting a few feet away from him, laughing silently to myself about his misfortune, while also being available to answer questions from him if necessary. It was only necessary a couple of times, so instead I poured myself into this project.

Well, that is until I took a break for the hour and 45 minute lunch I took with Amy! She asked our boss if we could take a long lunch since I'm leaving and our boss agreed. It was wonderful, we discussed my fears about my future, the ways she can help me with PR and my website in the future, how I won't have to wear any pants once I'm in my future job.

I was also fantasizing about the fact that my ultimate goal is to be permanently self-employed. Along with all the scary stuff about that idea, like having to pay for my own health insurance, being responsible for paying all of my own social security, having to come up with a way to make enough money to live, and no longer having access to free donuts, there are some absolutely wonderful things to look forward to. Like hour and 45 minute lunches any time I feel like it!

Today is my second-to-last-day and believe me, I am ready for the end. I've been trying to ignore all of my fears so far, since I know they won't do me any good. We'll see how long I can continue to ignore them once I'm on my own...

Other Bored People

2008-12-03T09:46:00.004-05:00

Did you know other people exist who are bored, too? Also at my place of employment? I thought it was just me.

We currently have a number of decorated Christmas trees (and a Menorah) on display at work. Unfortunately, due to the economic downturn many of the trees were not sponsored and decorated this year, leaving a few empty ones.

Amy, who was in charge of coordinating the sponsors and getting the trees decorated, called me this morning and said "come down to the front entrance and bring your phone". She wanted me to take a picture of this:

The very bored employees of that work across from this tree decided to decorate it with what they had available: luggage tags, overweight luggage tags, baggage tape, and some really randomly-placed paper accessories that may have been made by heavily medicated preschool-aged children, by the looks of them. Here is a closeup of one of the "ornaments":

I'm very impressed by both their ingenuity and creativity. And like I said, their boredom.

***

I'm also impressed that none of the people who work in the airport have committed suicide, or at the very least punctured their ear drums with a ball point pen, because the Christmas music that is playing is the most awful Christmas music ever recorded. Seriously, listening to the Alvin and Chipmunks Christmas album would be more pleasant than this canned-saccharine-sweet-pop crap.

***

Thank goodness I only have two days left after today!!!

Training Day

2008-12-02T18:02:00.005-05:00

You know that movie Training Day? The one where the rookie cop gets set up as a fall guy in a drug deal type thing by the guy training him and he (the guy training him, who is also the bad guy) ends up dead at the end? That's pretty much how my first day training my replacement went.

Okay, things were a teensy bit different, I guess. After all, I'm still alive. And as far as I know, I didn't try to get my replacement to do anything illegal today.

It was actually a really good day at work for me, because I was busy! Believe it or not, I really like having something to do; the only reason I turn to office supply art for entertainment is because I am usually bored out of my skull. My replacement is a guy, a couple years older than me, who is funny and likeable. He even agreed to go along with me telling my boss that the only thing I trained him to do so far was paint my toenails when she asked me what I was working on during our weekly marketing meeting. He also does a cool robot voice.

My day is also going well because I thought of a new book idea. I love it when creativity strikes, and although I have had many other ideas crop up since my last completed book, Office Supply Art: How to Not Die of Boredom and Lack of Creativity at Your Lame 9 to 5, this one feels like it might actually be written and completed by me. You know, as opposed to me bribing one of my cats to write it.

Because I haven't made any art or showed anything to you lately, check this out:

Remember how Anthony made all those mirror window things? This is ours to keep. He even put the anniversary card I made him and the sparkle/paint chip art I made in the mirror for display! And here's an entertaining picture of him with a sculpture when we went to Chattanooga:

We don't know who put the hoodie on the sculpture, it was there when we got there. Uh oh, my potatoes are beeping...you know what the means.

Work?

2008-12-01T15:44:00.003-05:00

I hope today, which was a day off for me, is not representative of how I'll spend my days once I'm finished with work this Friday. Even though I'm not going to be working in an office, I expect myself to be working towards my goals of being a writer, artist, and life coach (and whatever else I decide to be) most days of the week, hopefully Monday through Friday.

Today there were a few bits and pieces of things I did that qualify as "work". I jotted down a few lines for a column, read quite a bit of a book related to finding my right life, did some homework assigned to me by my life coach, Barbara. I also took a nap and ran errands and am about to go for a walk at the lake (a cold walk, it's snowing here!) with my sweetheart.

I don't want to pressure myself to be any certain way once I have my days to myself, but I do want to stay focused and not spend my time off lounging around eating bonbons and watching daytime TV, because that is certainly not going to foster any grand career for me. Well, maybe if I did it wearing an elf outfit and posted it to Youtube? Something to think about.

I'm not sure how much office supply art I'll get to create once I'm back at work tomorrow, I'll be training the new person who is replacing me and somehow I don't think I should be training him to do things the way I did...namely staring off into space and drawing trees and making collages and reading. I'll post when I can, and maybe I can slip in some office supply art without my replacement noticing I'm doing it!

Time to get bundled up for my outdoor adventure...

Heidi

2008-11-28T10:35:00.002-05:00

Heidi spent the day after Thanksgiving in Hawaii. She went to a luau and learned to hula dance. She wore a grass skirt and a coconut bra. She watched the red sun set into the ocean. She watched a fireworks display. This is her:

She's a blond, Lord knows blonds have more fun. (Though I have information from a reliable source that she Highlighters her hair.) Heidi is wearing a funny had and has no arms, but that doesn't seem to be stopping her from having a great time.

Jen spent the day after Thanksgiving at work. Working very hard with her dry erase markers and some Styrofoam cups. She read some books and did some emailing. She has an appointment with her life coach in a couple of hours. She is looking forward to her three-day weekend.

It's been 18? 19? More? weeks since she sent her submission materials to Ten Speed Publishing. She has still not heard anything. It's been 3 months and 11 days since she sent her stuff to Chronicle Books and she still has no asnwer. That's okay though, because she has arms and doesn't have to color her hair.

Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T11:23:00.002-05:00

Ten things I am thankful for: (Notice: This list may be longer or shorter than the previously specified number, depending on how funny, creative, or boring I am once I start typing.)

Electricity
Mashed Potatoes
My friends and family and cats
Indoor plumbing
Colors
The Internet
Stripes
Hot chocolate
Room temperature chocolate
Trees
Pancakes
Carbohydrates in general
Naps
My home
That I survived that vicious turkey attack yesterday
Cars
Planes
Art supplies, office or otherwise
That I only have 5 more days of work left after today!!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Breaking News

2008-11-26T12:26:00.004-05:00

A shocking crisis is unfolding. Our normally quiet and peaceful community is currently undergoing an attack of epic proportions. Members of the population have reported sightings of a giant turkey made of what appear to be paper clips and Post-it notes on the loose in our mountains. Here is a shot of the beast, captured by local biscuit n barbecue salesman, Minty McAffey:

It is thought that the creation came to life when an office supply artist extraordinaire, known only as "Jenny Silly Pants" was so bored at work she created this turkey and then conjured up an ancient spell to bring her creation to life. We have information that the spell backfired and the turkey not only came to life, but grew to 1000 times its original size and gained the ability to fly or, as some reports say, levitate.

It apparently also grew vindictive. This monster appears to be looking to harm any and all individuals involved in the corporate world. If you are wearing high heels or a business suit, remove the items immediately! It will not attack people walking around in their underwear. If you are a member of middle to upper management, for goodness sake, tell your children you love them. The turkey was last spotted 3 miles southwest of the interstate. We will keep you updated as this matter unfolds. Please head for cover or at least take off your pants.

Jen and Sculptures

2008-11-25T13:30:00.002-05:00

As promised, pictures of sculptures. Okay, the subject of the photos is me and my wit, but the sculptures are there, too:

This is a dog with a drinking problem; his paw is raised in anger at his misbehaving children.

This is boy with a cramp in his side from running too quickly after eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He's doing the stretching technique to try to relieve the pain.

I wish I had some office supply art to share with you, but I've spent today working. Sigh, I know, you expect less from me. Actually, I'm helping Amy with a project so mighty and terrible that I can't stand that she has to do it alone. She's de-lighting fake Christmas trees. No, not "delighting" the trees with her war stories and card tricks, but taking off all of the non-working strands of lights in order to put new ones on. The problem is that these trees came pre-lit, which means the lights were strung on by evil Nazi robots with seven arms each and one, giant, all-knowing mechanical brain. It takes the two of us about an hour per tree to get all of the lights off, and we have wire cutters, to boot. And we have about four more to go....

It is my lunch hour, but in the spirit of togetherness and because of the peanut M&Ms she gave me a few minutes ago, I'm going to help her tackle another one...

Mondays and Buildings

2008-11-23T18:50:00.007-05:00

Monday, November 24th: My last Monday at this job and first Monday as a 29-year-old. It's pretty much the same, really. I am, of course, much wiser, a little taller, better looking, and have a few more grey hairs. On my chest.

Saturday night Anthony took me to Chattanooga, TN, as per my request. And I took some pictures of buildings to put on the blog. Isn't that exciting??? I bet you didn't get to see buildings on your last birthday!

This is a pic of the hotel where we stayed:

See that guy on the very right of the shot? He's wearing a white suit. We saw an inexplicable number of men dressed in unusually colored suits, wandering the streets. One man had on a mint green suit, which was a good color on him.

Anyways, the hotel isn't anything special from the outside, but the inside was really neat. The best part, though, were the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies in the jar right outside our door. Oh, and the gourmet breakfast where I got to have stuffed French toast (Ingredients: Thick white bread, cream cheese, orange marmalade, butter, and enough fat to kill a triathalete in one fell swoop), yummy vegetarian quiche, fruit, cereal, and yogurt. I took some of everything so I could try it all. There was some meaty stuff, too, but I let Anthony take care of taste-testing it.

On our first day we went to the aquarium, this is a picture of one of the buildings (there are a few separate ones making up the whole aquarium):

The feet are not part of the aquarium, no. There are sculptures all over the place on the riverfront in Chattanooga, maybe if you're nice I'll put up some pics of them tomorrow. The aquarium was very cool and of course I forgot my camera! My favorite things were the penguins and otters, plus they had lots of GIANT tanks filled with fish and sharks. Oh, and they had a whole display of sea horses and sea dragons! If you've never seen a sea dragon, click this link, they are so cool!

On Sunday we went to the Hunter Museum of American Art, isn't the building awesome?

When I was in Chattanooga a few years ago I remember there was a sculpture of a horse out front that I loved, and I wondered if it would still be there. Lucky me, it was!

This sculpture is called Boreal and I put the close up picture because it looks like wood, even up close, even though it's made entirely of painted bronze. The artist, Deborah Butterfield, always sculpts horses and always uses found objects, which she has cast in bronze and then assembles into her sculptures. One of the workers at the museum said that horses are her life, she gets up, rides horses, takes care of them (I guess she lives on a horse farm) and then in the afternoon works on her art. Sounds like a great life, I get the feeling she is really following her heart.

Only 8 days of work left after today and thank goodness for that!

I'm Like Cheese

2008-11-21T14:29:00.005-05:00

Fridays are best spent in your pajamas, drinking hot chocolate. So that's exactly what I'm doing.

This morning I woke up to snow and the news that there was black ice all over the roads! By 8 am there were about 100 accidents total reported between the county I live in and the county next to mine; by later in the morning there were 168 calls to the State Police to report incidents.

Needless to say, I stayed home today.

After I wiped away the tears I shed over not being able to go to my favorite place on earth, I read, watched TV, and just a few minutes ago, talked to my life coach. I always, always feel better after I talk to her, and I truly hope that I can help someone else feel that way in the future.

Tonight we are supposed to go to my mom and step dad's house for my birthday dinner, but I don't know if the roads are going to be safe enough. My actual birthday is on Sunday, and tomorrow morning Anthony and I leave for Ch-Ch-Chattanooga, which was my birthday request, to spend the night in a nice hotel and go to the aquarium and art museum there. I am so excited! The hotel we're staying in has all of my favorite things: a wine and cheese reception on Saturday night, and a gourmet breakfast on Sunday morning! Plus a very comfy bed and fireplace. I hope tomorrow the roads are safe enough for us to go on.

I'm turning the big 2-9. If I ever tell you that again, I'm lying, but this year I'm telling the truth. I have nothing but excitement about this, I am not upset about getting older and think my life is only going to improve with age, like a good cheese.

Next time I write I'll be a year older!

Creativity Lives at Home

2008-11-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

I was quietly minding my own business last night after work. When I say "quietly minding my own business", I mean throwing small projectiles at my cats. After the entertainment value of that activity lessened (which was when the cats decided they no longer appreciated my company and one went outside and the other hopped on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn't get to them), I headed into the office to read my email. Amy sent me what I consider to be one of the funniest things ever. Check out this link. I wish I had thought of this. She actually sent me a completed example, with my face in the box.

After visiting this site and enjoying it thoroughly, I noticed some paint chips that I gathered from the store over the weekend and, what else, forced them to become part of my never-ending-art-project-theme, trees:

The reason I was wandering around so aimlessly last night, when normally I am parked on the couch, is because Anthony was busy working on his own Awesome and Creative Project (ACP).

Don't be distracted by the spectacularly-dressed example of perfect feminine beauty reflected in his creation - what I really want you to notice is the window and the mirrors. He buys old, used windows and grinds them, sands them, takes the glass out, stains them, buys mirrors cut to fit in the panes, puts the mirror in, glazes them and ends up with these beautiful, functional mirrors. He has lots of patience (if you knew me, you'd know he'd have to) and involved projects like this do not bore him to tears as they do me. Here's another:

He made 5 altogether, and I really love it that he's had a fun project to work on, too. It does make me want to do some longer, more detailed art projects (nothing that involves power tools, mind you), but I really can't see myself getting started in something like that until after my last day.

Only 10 days left after today....

Boredom

2008-11-19T13:15:00.005-05:00

Boredom: the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest

That would describe my "state of being" today. I did make a list of things to accomplish at work on this fine Wednesday, (yes, um, they all had to do with my job....) but I'm still just BORED. I think it is not from lack of entertainment, but from the fact that I just want to get out of this situation. I gave my notice four weeks ago, which seems like a really long time to stay somewhere. I only have 11 days left after today, and I'm going to make the best of it, but it is going to take lots and lots of caffeine, web-surfing, office-supply-art-making, day dreaming, and...I don't even know what else, to get me through.

I know what you're thinking, "Come on, Jen, you've made it through 1460 hours of this job and only have 91.5 left. Plus your hair looks really good today, and even though your socks don't match your purse, (or your pants or shoes) they do match each other, nice work. And after December 5th you are totally free to do whatever you want every day. You won't have any income to speak of and you do have two cats to feed and a mortgage to pay, but hey, you won't be bored anymore. So suck it up!"

Okay, okay, you're right (thanks for noticing my hair. And socks, I think.)

In honor of this topic, here is my list of stuff to do when you are so bored you are seriously contemplating getting the name of your deceased gerbil, Mr. Mickbitsy, tattooed on your forehead:

Look up that word you used yesterday when you were describing to your parasitologist the hairy thing you noticed, but weren't exactly sure you knew what it meant. The word, not the hairy thing, that's why you were seeing the parasitologist. When I did this I learned that "bucolic" is not a disease you get when you visit Mexico.
Name your toes. Since you asked, from left to right, mine are: Brisket, Topper, Flipsy, Dixie, Pooper, Popper, Dominic, Gertrude, Slinky, and Maverick.
Plan your dream vacation
List all of the people you've _______. Pick a verb. You know, list all the people you've kayaked with, crossed the border illegally with, shared recipes with, swing danced with, made fun of, drawn while naked (them, not you), worked with, bred purebred racing horses with, etc.
Try to list all 50 states. Once you've done that, list the ones you've been (arrested) in.
Compile a list of your favorite vanity plates and pick one out for yourself. I was thinking "FREE2B" would be a good one for me. Sure beats "PRNCESS".
Think of a way to impress your eye doctor with your X-ray vision and laser-beam-shooting eyeballs next time you visit.
Invent a new board game involving deep sea creatures, the music library of Leonard Cohen, and lots of diamonds.
Send money to someone who really needs it. (I'm pointing to myself, in case you didn't get that part.)

The Last Days of Powerpoint

2008-11-18T12:23:00.011-05:00

I just realized this morning that I will no longer have access to Powerpoint to make my ridiculous NexJen Center of Awesomeness slide shows. This was so disturbing to me that I fell asleep. When I woke up I made this:

Perhaps I will come up with some kick-butt alternative that involves, whaddyacallit, interpretive dance. And Youtube. We'll see.

***

One thing I know for sure, I'm going to have to be much more organized when I start working from home/running my own business. This weekend I did a cleaning and organizing project and it was pretty successful. I had this plastic container with hanging file folders that contained all of my important documents and lots of other random stuff, too. Whilst looking through the important documents I got so incredibly bored and agitated I was afraid my brain would force me to the kitchen where I would then get a fork from the utensil drawer and stab myself in the eye. Thank goodness I came up with an alternate plan: don't look at the boring crap!

***

Basically, the entirety of the plan looks like this: When I get a document that seems important (dealing with health insurance, car insurance, home owner's insurance, property taxes, kitty taxes, social security, etc) I open it to make sure I don't have to pay anyone and then I file it away. Possibly forever, never to see the light of day again, but at least it's somewhere if the IRS or CGB knocks on my door. The second part of this plan is that in a couple of years I will be doing so well, financially, that I can pay someone else to you know, do that icky stuff. My step dad already does my taxes (thankyouthankyouthankyouletmebakeyousomecookies) for me, but maybe once a year someone else should tell me if I've missed something important.

***

I must get back to the important task in front me now: counting down the minutes until the weekend.

Dynamic Dentistry

2008-11-17T13:30:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up with something to really look forward to: My semi-bi-annual visit to the dentist. Today's visit was especially exciting because not only did I have the standard gum-pulling and tartar-vaporizing session lined up, I also knew I was having an old filling drilled out and replaced.

I wasn't feeling terribly hungry this morning so I skipped breakfast, thinking I'd eat it right after the dentist appointment, maybe even in the parking lot. Ha! Did I think they were going to replace my filling without numbing the entire left side of my body (brain included)? Or maybe I thought that the numbing would be done with pixie dust? Or perhaps a compound made from unicorn hair and toad warts that would be gently applied by magical, miniature faeries?

No such luck. I had a numbing agent applied to my inner cheek, then two giant needles worth of Novocaine were stuck in my gums. Needless to say my mouth and head region were far, far too numb to consider eating after my appointment was over. Or apparently thinking, because today at work the only thing I've accomplished is lunch. Oh, and bathroom breaks!

Just so you know, what I write on this blog is, I would say, on average, during a month with two full moons, between 35 and 75% true, approximately half of the time.

For those of you who are still here, I was creative this weekend!

Both of these were made with polymer clay and lots of love. I am moving out of the funk I was in and appreciating the fact that I will be done in just a few weeks! I can't wait to be home full time and create and write and then in January, start my courses to be a life coach. Life is looking good! Especially now that the feeling in my face has returned.

Ehhh.

2008-11-14T13:56:00.004-05:00

Ever feel like you were really lacking in creativity? That there was no possible way you could make anything interesting, even given the fact that you have a brand new trade magazine in your hands, just aching to be cut up and made into something stunning? Or that you wouldn't be able to come up with anything interesting to say on your blog because today, to be quite honest, you're just not that interesting?

Well, I feel that way today but I have excuses:

It's dark and murky outside for the second day in a row
My job is boring
I have peanuts stuck in my teeth
My socks don't match my pants
This morning I pulled something out of the drain of the shower that I couldn't even look at for fear that making eye contact with it would paralyze me or send me into some sort of spasms. I think I've got a touch of post traumatic stress disorder over the whole thing.
I still have not heard from the publishing company I sent my book query package to and approximately 300 million years have passed...I'm pretty sure the mastodon/editor that I sent the stuff to got stuck in a tar pit on his or her way to the mail room.

But it's Friday and that means no pants for two days, which may help with my creative dry spell.

2008-11-13T11:16:00.003-05:00

I'm back to my favorite subject again, trees:

I figure I may as well make office supply art while I still can, so this is Post-It Note, pencil, and recycled copy paper piece. See the one random black box in the space occupied by the lower right hand tree? I always try to use materials that would otherwise go in the trash, and this had a mistake on it and couldn't be reused. I am really happy with this piece and when Amy saw it she said she wanted it. But, extra-demanding-with-a-cherry-on-top as always, she wants it matted and framed first. If I can manage to keep it from being destroyed (crumpled, stepped on, torn, spilled on, set on fire, etc) I might actually have it professionally prepared and give it to her as a going away gift. Yes, I'm the one going away, but she deserves a gift for putting up with me for as long as she has. In fact, not only has she put up with me so far, she's even taking me to a place called Sante Wine Bar after my last day of work and buying me both wine and cheese. If there was going to be peanut butter and hog-tying my night would be perfect.

When Amy saw the above creation, Turtles Mating In A Gently Rocking Doughnut, she told me I was going to be famous one day. I asked what for, and she said anything I want. Hmm, that sounds dangerous. I'd like to be known for my impeccable dental hygiene and pancake-eating skills, do you think that could work? As a distant second choice, being a world-famous author/blogger/artist/Awesomeness Inspirer/cab driver would be okay, too.

I have to get back to being my effortlessly creative self now, TG tomorrow IF!

Bitter Sweet

2008-11-12T14:05:00.002-05:00

A decision has been made about my replacement. A job offer hasn't been extended yet, but that should happen soon.

My last day will still be December 5th, but I may not have a long weekend prior to my last week as I had planned, since I could be training this new person that week. Things will be worked out somehow so I either get the time off at a different date or get paid for the days.

I'm feeling sort of sad, oddly. Not sad about leaving my position, but certainly sad about some of what I'll be missing. Specifically my coworker Amy. And there are some other people and situations I'll miss, too. However, the interviews this morning really reaffirmed for me that I don't want to be part of Corporate America. The silly (to me) questions, the managing, the making up professional sounding phrases to say the simplest things, the egos. It's not for me!

I can see very clearly that what I really, truly want to do is help other people find their own way. I want to enrich people's lives and help them find their center, their purpose, and their passions. And yes, I want to make pancakes, be silly, write humorously about my life as a working stiff, and spend lots of time petting my cats. I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities I've had in my life and even for this job. I am so looking forward to the next chapter in my life, which will be here after 17 to 19 more working days.

I genuinely hope my replacement loves their job here and stays a very long time.

Time for me to make some office supply art while I still can....

99th Post! And It's About Hiring My Replacement!

2008-11-12T10:09:00.004-05:00

Wow, 99 posts already? Wish I had thought of some way to celebrate...

I'm on a break between interviewing candidates to be my replacement. At work, not in my personal life.

As we were interviewing I was thinking, "Thank God no one is ever going to ask me questions like these again." Things like: "Tell us about a time when two people you were supervising had a conflict and you had to use your management skills to mediate the situation. How did you handle it? What was the outcome?" I wish I could add something funny into that question but then it would take away how incredibly boring that sort of thing is for me. I want to help people find their passion and their joy, and maybe for some people answering questions like that does it for them, but not me!

Also, one of the questions is (not kidding): "What Disney character would you be and why?" My answer? "Donald Duck. Because he doesn't wear pants."

Gotta get back to the grind...

The Story of 11/11

2008-11-11T11:48:00.005-05:00

Today is November 11th, 11/11. It has significance for me for a number of reasons and we have quite a history together. No, November 11th never got me pregnant and then left me for my best friend, and November 11th certainly didn't try to peer pressure me to eat paste back in the second grade.

In the spring of 2001 I was preparing to graduate from college. I was mostly preparing by skipping my classes, but I also spent a significant amount of time watching TV. Okay, okay, honestly, I applied for lots and lots and lots of jobs. I really wanted to have a full time job lined up by the time I finished school. Through my senior year I worked for a newspaper designing ads, but they didn't have room for me to go full time, nor would I have wanted to. For some strange reason more and more frequently when I looked at the time it would have an 11 in it. 1:11, 4:11, and often times, 11:11. I had no clue what this was supposed to mean.

Time passed, I graduated, I did not have any full time job offers, September 11th happened, job prospects dried up even further. I decided the very best career move I could make was to move to Killington, VT, population 1100, to become a waitress at a ski lodge and live in staff housing with 15 other people and two toilets. The day after my 22nd birthday I moved there and lo and behold, when I signed my work agreement, my official date of hire had been November 11th. Huh.

Many, many things transpired from that point including me moving to Montana, living in a tent for six weeks (part of which while a serial killer was loose in the area), moving to Virginia Beach, anincrediblybriefmarriagethatIdon'treallywanttotalkabout, and more. For a while I thought that was the end of me and November 11th. But I noticed, on and off, whenever change was about to occur in my life, I'd look down at my watch and there it was, 11:11.

Then on November 11th, 2006, I met the man who is now my boyfriend for the first time. He came down from New York to visit a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. After I gathered the courage to take my head out from underneath the dining room table, that is. So today is our two year anniversary and also is the focus of my art project for the day:

The book is one of the ones I'm reading for the upcoming life coaching course, but the scissors and the collage pictures are for Anthony's anniversary card. What? you don't think a German Shepherd with its tongue hanging out is romantic? Obviously you don't know me very well.

But back to 11:11 again. I have entered another period of my life where I see it on my watch at least a few days a week. When I first started noticing it in 2001 I was worried, I thought maybe I was going to die that day or something. But now I just notice it and am happy to see it, it just means change is coming in my life, and it always means adventure. I can't wait to see what's going to happen next.

Colloquial Paradoxical Levity

2008-11-10T10:32:00.006-05:00

A Monday that doesn't involve being at work is a Monday for me. I think I will adopt this Monday.

Did I sleep in and revel in the fact that I had nowhere I had to be this morning? I wish. I woke up at 5:45 with a scratchy throat and a phlegm (only took me six tries to spell that properly) problem that threatened to choke me in my sleep if I didn't get up and drink some tea. So that is what I did. Eventually I moved on to strength training, oatmeal, and a walk. Not all at the same time, mind you. I also had to drop my truck off at the mechanic, again. Jeez, it's only 20 years old with 95,000 miles on it, what gives? The brakes are giving me problems again, and this time the mechanic mentioned the words "Master Cylinder". He might as well have said "Colloquial Paradoxical Levity" as an explanation to me since both of those phrases mean nothing to my brain. I take that back, the word "Master" makes me think this could be expensive.

Hey, my watch alarm just went off, indicating that I can stop meditating now. Oh, blogging isn't part of standard meditation practice? Who knew? I've been off the meditation ritual for about the past week. I did do it Saturday morning, but I skipped it yesterday. I thought I'd give it a whirl again today. Obviously I lost interest in it before my time was up. Maybe after I am done with my job I'll have better luck? Or maybe after my lobotomy?

I had a really nice Saturday. I made some more art:

I am not super-duper happy with this piece, although I did enjoy making it. Now it's sitting on my mantle with all of my other art projects. Ideally I'd like to spend some time, energy, and possibly dollars in creating some art that I could sell locally. There is a huge art community here and our main industry is tourism, so selling some pieces on the side is certainly viable.

On Sunday I created some chunky lentil soup, which I got from the website Eat, Live Run. Mine looks absolutely nothing like the blog author's, but it's still very yummy. I also made two loaves of bread. One ended up naked on the counter. When I tried to pop it out of the bread machine the entire crust, I kid you not, stayed in the bread pan and only the warm, chewy insides fell out. I scraped the crust out and tried to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, but it will never live the life its parents envisioned for it: Sandwich Bread. However, it is still delicious in giant chunks. I then made a second loaf which was much more successful. I'm bringing my mom some soup and the Successful Bread for lunch today, and I'm going to have some with her.

This should be an easy week at work, tomorrow is the actual holiday that I've taken today off for so no one will be at work. You know what that means, right? Highballs and Cheez Whiz.

Wednesday is round two of interviews for my replacement. Or as I like to call them, "people who I should warn, but if I did I could never leave, so forget it".

OOhh, and tonight I get to have Indian food, so this Monday just got even better. Time to go do something productive. Or not, who cares, it's my day off!

Please Stay Awake

2008-11-07T14:10:00.002-05:00

When I was a small child my mother used to say, "If you don't have anything incredibly interesting to write on your blog about art made out of office supplies, than don't write anything at all."

I'm going to ignore her advice today. I have no office supply art or pictures or anything, and I was talking to my lunch coach...I mean, my life coach, over lunch, so this is going to be quick.

I have a three-day weekend! Yay me!
Life coaching today was great, I am very happy!
I would go into more detail but you would probably fall asleep, hitting your head on the keyboard in the process, and end up with a permanent indent shaped like the space bar in your forehead.
It's been 16 weeks since I sent my submission package to Ten Speed Press. What is going on???
I only have 17 more days of work after today.
Today's fateful fun-sized Halloween candy is going to be a Mr. Goodbar. Mmmm....
Have a great weekend!

Mysteries and Reasons To Smile

2008-11-06T11:40:00.007-05:00

Today my stepfather, Joe, wanted to send a picture to me. He had taken a photo of a beautiful tree using his cell phone. I emailed him directions on how to send it to me, since he'd never done it before. This is the picture I received:

What exactly do you think is going on in the foreground?

Lochness Monster or other large serpent-like creature is bobbing through?
Giant demon bunny (those are its ears, see?) popped up and got in the way just before he snapped the photo?
Elephant stuck its trunk in front of the phone?
Black hole is beginning to form in the parking lot?

I, personally, think it's the demon bunny. Thanks for the photo, Joe, the tree is beautiful and I am thankful you weren't harmed.

On to office supply art! I have mentioned before that sometimes I leave projects for Amy to do while she covers my one-hour lunch break. Sitting at my post can get a wee bit boring sometimes (allthetimeallthetimeallthetimeohmygoshgetmeoutofhere). Past assignments have been quizzes, drawing assignments, and lately, a few word searches. These are the two I made for her today:

I got the idea to make the word searches in various shapes after a lame-o luncheon I went to a few weeks ago. The one they provided was shaped like a horse, but I'm not quite that talented/smart/motivated, so I make easier shapes. The first thing I made was a cross shape. I will not elaborate here as to what the words involved were because I do not want to offend any one's delicate sensibilities. The second one I made was shaped like a tear drop and contained reasons Amy should miss me (awesome, goodfriend, niceass, etc). I made one today with reasons to smile, the top one, but realized they mostly applied to me, so I went ahead and made a second one for Amy with reasons to make her smile, the bottom one. Notice that her crossword puzzle smile is missing a front tooth, like she is. (If I don't ever blog again it's because she has killed me after reading this post.)

***

The reason I'm showing you these word searches is to prove that you can have fun at work. Especially if you have a spreadsheet-making program, absolutely no supervision, and very little work ethic. It takes a professional like me to come up with something this advanced, but I have faith you could make something awesome, too, if you had enough to drink.

Interviews for my "replacement" started today. My boss is interviewing five foolish people today and six tomorrow. I have 18 days left. How do I know me leaving this job is fate? Because one of my other favorite coworkers, Daniela, who works the evening shift of my job, gave me some leftover Halloween candy and it's exactly the right amount for me to have one piece each afternoon until my last day. What are the chances of that? Yes, thank you for pointing out that I can make something out of less than nothing.

***

Today was the first day of my at-least-month-long-news hiatus. That meant no Today show during my morning oatmeal and no NPR in the car to and from work. And no checking to see if North Carolina ever got called either way in the presidential election. Oh well, I can find other things to do while I drive, like curl my eyelashes.

From One Countdown to Another

2008-11-05T13:15:00.001-05:00

Yay! I am very happy that Obama, along with Hope and Change, have been selected as our next president. Did I help make that possible? I sure tried! I live in the only state, North Carolina, that is still too close to call. I guess Obama didn't need my vote to win, but I was pulling for him anyways. A brief history of my presidential voting experiences so far:

November 2000, I was 20 and living in Connecticut and voting for the first time. When I went to bed on election night my chosen candidate, Al "I thought I'd hide how great and passionate I am until much later, way after I lose the election, and let people think I am made of cardboard for now" Gore was securely in the lead. He'd won Florida, all was well. When I woke up it was a different story, which I won't rehash here. My state went blue but the country didn't.
November 2004, I lived in Vermont. I wasn't super crazy about John Kerry, but he wasn't W and and that was good enough for me. (A rabid pigeon running on the Fowlatarian ticket would have been good enough for me at that point.) Again, my state went blue but the country, using some of its best judgement ever, went red. Again.
November 2008, I live in North Carolina now and as I said, I finally voted for the winner!Even though I don't know which way my state went! (My guess is: To find some deer to hunt or possibly someplace where it could get biscuits n' gravy.) I am very hopeful that Obama will do the job that I expect of him that he'll get a whole eight years to make a difference...and maybe during one of his terms I'll have my own little liberal that I can tell about how he/she was born during this historic time. But I'm not holding my breath!

I've been counting down to the election, but now that it's over I have a new countdown to concentrate on:

This is my "Countdown To Unemployment" calendar. Snappy title, huh? I just made that up. As you can see, I've already marked today off, even though I still have a few more hours left here today. I am getting down into the teens, I only have 19 more days to go! Interesting that I colored in the weekends as deep and dark black holes, devoid of all meaning, when I really should have colored them in with sunshine and lollipops and rainbows and pancakes. And unicorns.

***

Time to go read some more about Hope and Change because starting tomorrow I'm taking a news hiatus.

Eagles and Freedom and Elections and Office Supplies

2008-11-04T07:26:00.005-05:00

Remember when I mentioned an eagle made of Post-It Notes yesterday? I decided in honor of election day and our freedom and all that stuff I'd go ahead and make one. I'm pretty happy with the way it came out:

It's made entirely from Post-It Notes and Highlighters and Sharpies and other Name Brand Products. I am not quite certain what its prey is. Some options:

The Styrofoam-and-folder-tab field mouse I mentioned yesterday
The Daschpoopard from last week (but would you want to eat a toilet paper roll?)
Sarah Palin. I'm really, really hoping it's Palin the eagle is after. That means when her ticket loses today she will disappear from the face of the planet. She will never become the Face of the Republican party and we'll never have to hear her say "Joe Six Pack", "Maverick", "Hockey Mom", or "You Betcha" ever again.
Although I do like the impressions that Tina Fey does of Palin on SNL. How about a sketch where she gets picked up by a giant eagle made of offices supplies? I'll pitch it to Tina.

In other news: My camera is seriously on the fritz. (On the fritz? What is the fritz, anyways? Is it a street? An animal? A monthly hormonal cycle?) See the pictures below, which are supposed to show you how beautiful plain and simple preserved leaves are:

The first set of leaves looks diseased and second set looks like it was scanned by a computer with some sort of emotional issue. Try to look past those problems and see the beauty of nature. Try harder!
***
My mom and I took a trip to town and parked the car and picked leaves last Saturday. Yes, we actually spent part of a day picking leaves. For fun. I am currently in the process of using silica gel to dry the leaves out. Silica gel is that stuff that comes in the little white package when you buy a new purse that says "DO NOT EAT!" Don't worry, I've only eaten a little of it. Tastes like Coconut. (My cat, not the hard-shelled fruit.)
***
After the leaves stay in the gel, which is really a dry powder, for a couple days I put some incredibly poisonous-smelling stuff on them and it brings out their original color. I'm not quite sure what Mom and I will do with the leaves once I'm done preserving all of them, but they look gorgeous just sitting on a paper towel, so I doubt we could make anything less than beautiful out of them.
***
Oh, also I wanted to say that yesterday my boss asked me to look through resumes for people to fill my position. They got hundreds of applicants. It is very, very weird looking through them, trying to figure out if they'd be good at this job and if I even care.
***
Go Vote if you live in the United States and are going to vote the way I want you to!

I Get So Emotional Baby

2008-11-03T13:23:00.005-05:00

Wouldn't an impressive and inspiring blog about how finding creativity and your true self can lift you to the greatest heights of ecstasy even in times of war and poverty be wonderful right now? Or maybe a post showing the office supply art I made today, maybe a giant eagle made of Post-It Notes, swooping down to grasp its prey, a field mouse made out of file tabs and Styrofoam coffee cups? Or even some pictures of my weekend and how I worked towards being the best Jen I can be?

I'm falling a little short of those brilliant ideas today. Maybe it's a case of the Mondays, maybe it's that my time at work seems to be dragging out longer than this presidential race, maybe it's because I hurt my face trying to pluck my out-of-control eyebrows this morning, or maybe it's because I'm turning 29 in less than three weeks. No, I'm happy about that last one, birthdays mean presents, or at the very least chocolate and well wishes.

***

Over the weekend I looked at some of the materials from the life coach training I'll be starting in January. I have to read three books and one article, answer a questionnaire, and submit a head shot (Do you think the picture of me with the hay in my hair would work for that?) by December 1st - not much time! Luckily I've already read one of the books so a quick refresher-read should be fine, my mom owns the second book so I can grab that copy sometime this or next week and read it, the article is short, and oddly (or not so oddly, sometimes the Universe seems to know what it's doing) I was already in the middle of reading the last book on the list before I ever knew I was going to need to read it for class.

***

That book is "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. The book is amazing - but it's somewhat draining to look at and analyze all of your thoughts and fears and angers. From the fear of clowns attacking you in the middle of the night to thoughts of death to anger about the toilet seat being up, you kinda feel like a horse's ass when you realize some of the things you've worried about have made your life not has happy as it could be. But the point isn't to make you feel stupid; it's to show you your thoughts trap you. And I do it all in the name of self-improvement. Maybe I'll change my goal to getting rock-hard abs. It probably wouldn't involve so much emotion. Eh, maybe not.

***

The questionnaire I have to turn in is straightforward and involves one of my favorite things: Talking about me. Question: "Bullet-point your life story below. Start from your birth and end now. Please only use one page." I started this and realized I don't have much to say between the ages of six and 21. Is that weird? Another question: "What you are ridiculously good at?" You know I had to put making spinach lasagna, cat-petting, and napping in there. But then I listed some serious things - but being silly is something I really am ridiculously good at, and I feel open and honest enough to include that part of me in the answers.

So this blog isn't completely devoid of visual stimulation, check this out:

***

That's me. Thinking it's a good idea to go out on a Saturday night to a club named "The Garage" and stay up waaayyyyyy past my bedtime. I went with Amy and Anthony, and our friend Dan met us there. Luckily Dan and Anthony did whatever it is guys do, so I was able to be a complete and total fool with Amy. This included me impersonating a dance I once saw a woman doing at a Lilith Fair concert when I was in college. At the time my friends and I called the dance "The Nordic Trac" because of the way the woman swung her arms and legs. After demonstrating to Amy she wanted me to actually go out onto the dance floor and do said move in front of multiple people, but I wasn't brave enough.

***

I WAS brave enough, however, to try smoking part of a cigar. Or stupid enough, possibly. Don't ask me why sweet and innocent Amy had a cigar, but she did. It was disgusting (I'm not just saying that because my mom reads this blog, it was absolutely completely gross) and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, anywhere, ever. But if you want to lick the paper, I totally vote for that, the outside of this cigar tasted like a vanilla cookie. But in hindsight, I would have preferred the cookie.

***

I hope to get some more creative juices flowing this week, but I'm in a state where I have to concentrate on reading, growing, answering questionnaires about myself and preparing for my birthday (which involves lots of napping). Only 21 more days of work after this and I truly hope to make the best of it.

***

PS - I voted this weekend - I hope my man wins!

Sometimes Pictures Aren't Worth 1000 Words. They're Just Annoying.

2008-10-31T12:31:00.009-04:00

I didn't want to forget anything that I wanted to tell you about today, so I drew a picture to remind myself:

Can you figure out what the heck I'm trying to tell you? The killer from Scream is singing? I'm making a pie filled with nuclear waste this weekend? I don't believe in giant dinosaurs? Good guesses!

First off, the pumpkin/fire/weights drawing from above:

Anthony emailed this picture to me today. He named it "Hell_Fire". I know I put a picture of our nameless, sexless pumpkin up yesterday, but I thought this was funny - is the pumpkin upset because of the fire? Or because it thinks I'm going to make it lift weights? Not sure.

***

The mask/music notes are supposed to represent what we're doing tonight, Halloween night. We're going to see a friend and his band play at a place called "The Boiler Room". It's downstairs from another (gay)bar called "Scandals". Honestly, by the time this show starts tonight I'll probably be asleep in a pile of candy wrappers, half-eaten Snickers bars and silly string. I'm lying. I'm not even into Halloween enough to have Snickers in the house to half-eat. Kids don't come to my house, probably because the lawn is so unkempt and they think a couple of crazy cat-people live there. I don't bother buying Halloween candy because no one will ring our doorbell anyways. And then we'll be forced to eat it. Anyways, the plan is to go to this show, but if it really starts at 11 or midnight as rumored, I'll be in bed with the cats, sleeping.

I drew a picture of the calendar I'm marking on to count down my last weeks here. The drawing of the calendar I made is so bad I'm embarrassed, can I change my answer and say that it's...a window with drapes on it? Yes,it's a picture of the window treatments I'm going to purchase this weekend. For my grandmother. Can I please move on? This is going nowhere.

***

This weekend I plan on voting! In North Carolina we have early voting and there has been a huge turnout so far. I don't want to go too political on this blog, but that picture of the earth with the red "Non" symbol on it - it means I'm going to vote for the person who was not alive when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

***

I'm not making nuclear pie - I'm making pumpkin pie. I'm going to make our carved pumpkin watch me cut up and cook one of its friends...maybe it can see into the future and that's why it looks so freaked out in the previous picture.

Wow, why did I draw so much crap on that illustration? Just killing time, obviously. The other drawings represent me sleeping, working on an art project involving a pink tree, and booking a rental car for when Anthony and I go visit the homeland for the holidays. I haven't been up North in four years! I can't believe it's been so long.

***

Speaking of ridiculously long waits...it's been 15 flipping weeks since I sent my stuff to Ten Speed. And...someone help me, I can't remember, three or four weeks since I sent the follow up. I'm really starting to wonder if my mail going into some alternate universe - but my water is still running so obviously my utilities payment doesn't enter another dimension. Do you think it's something like how you always lose one sock in the dryer? You never lose a whole shirt or pair of pants. Maybe it's the same with submission packages to publishers, only they travel to a distant Galaxy, the rest of the mail goes to it's proper destination.

***

I'm done pondering and done trying to explain my lame illustration. On Monday I'll have pictures of wonderful pies and trees and art projects and empty candy wrappers and me napping and the drool on my pillow...I love the weekends.

***

Edited this afternoon to add Amy's hilarious ideas about my picture. I left her my illustration over my lunch break in order to hear her interpretation of my weekend...some highlights:

"A pumpkin from hell will force you to work out. If you
don't workout the grim reaper will show up at your door with a singing
telegram."

"It appears you'll be voting on two important issues:
1.)Voting against the annual T-Rex 'Round The Globe running event. 2.)The
legalization of mango-steering-fluid pie."

"...you hope to load your 1988 Macintosh computer into a
poorly designed car that desperately needs new tires and drive to a very large
modern art sculpture symbolizing your level of knowledge on the cloning
tadpoles. And then you'll make another piece of tree art. Surprise,
surprise."

Well, she got that last thing about the tree art right!

Sexless Pumpkin

2008-10-30T12:35:00.001-04:00

This is going to be a quick post - I'm talking to my life coach, Barbara, over my lunch hour. I haven't spoken to her in two weeks and something kinda big happened since we last talked...I got my first French manicure. Oh, and I quit my job. I already sent her a lengthy email so she already knows all the details...I'm hoping our talk today can inject me with some enthusiasm to help me close out my final weeks here with grace, creativity, and lots of office supply art.

I have no office supply art to share but tis the season for pumpkin art:

Sorry the photos are so blurry, but you should be used to that by now. Don't you love the scar on the side of his or her face? (um...not sure how to check the sex of a pumpkin.) I wish that I could say that was my idea, but no, it was part of Anthony's brilliant plan. I always draw on the pumpkin and he does the cutting out. He asked me last night why I don't do the cutting but I didn't have a good reason other than it's more fun to watch somebody else get ticked off at a vegetable.

Gotta get back to work...

Dasch-Poo-Pard

2008-10-29T11:31:00.003-04:00

People, this is what it's come to:

I'm making toilet-paper-roll animals. (No balloons to be found.)

***

I call this creation the "Dasch-Poo-Pard". The delicately crafted leopard body is made from an empty toilet paper roll and accented with hand Sharpied and hand Highlighted fur. The professionally attached tacks provide the daschund-esque legs. This fabulous piece is accented with carefully assembled paper clip and toilet paper poodle head and tail. Notice the detail on the head - this poodle even has eyebrows. This piece is completed by its placement in a beautiful mountain and sky filled landscape. (There are no windows in my office so Amy printed out the landscape picture for me so I felt like I could see outside...it has not worked, but good try, Amy.)

***

Okay, so I'm desperate and bored...but I'm pretty impressed with my continuing creativity. I was pretty sure the only thing I'd be able to do for the next 25 days was mark off my calendar...

Budgeting

2008-10-28T11:30:00.002-04:00

At work we're already starting to plan for next year's budget - which starts on July 1, 2009. Even though I'm leaving my boss asked me to see what else I thought needed to be added to last year's budget to round it out for the upcoming year. Other than adding extra money for electro shock therapy for the other members of the team, I didn't have much to add. However, it did inspire me to work out my own monthly budget for when I'm unemployed. You have to click on the chart, below, to get it large enough to read. It's worth it. There is an entire row dedicated to monthly chocolate expenditures.

Okay, hopefully you read it and can see that I'm screwed. Do you see anywhere that I can cut back? I mean, I think it's already cut as close as it can be, don't you?

***

In other news that is not related to me being broke: It snowed overnight! And on my drive into work! Driving a 20 year old truck with no safety devices (okay, it does have seat belts, but that's it!) and rear-wheel drive during what feels like the Apocalypse is not fun. As if I needed any more reasons to be glad I only have 26 days left...

***

Also, I got a flu shot today. I'm not big on vaccinations, or eggs being injected into me (did you know there are eggs in there??) I would rather not get the flu. I mean, I'll be far too busy doing photo shoots for my billboard, I can't take the time to be sick.

***

Have a great Tuesday!

Weekend Art Projects and Costumes

2008-10-27T13:50:00.000-04:00

I had a great weekend that went by too quickly...but coming back this Monday was not nearly as hard as usual. I just realized, I only have 3 Mondays left after today! (I have some three day weekends coming up.)

On Saturday I woke up early and worked out and had breakfast and meditated and practiced my opera singing and all that stuff...then I showered and put back on my cozies and my bathrobe! I laid down on the couch with two books and soon was joined by some fuzzy friends:

I actually dozed off again since I was so relaxed. When Anthony rolled out of bed it woke me up, but at least I got him to take a picture of us. I am always very happy when my whole "family" is inside together safe and sound. Nola wanted to tell me how much she loves me, so shortly after this she left a dead bird by the front door. I forgot to tell Anthony it was there and he almost stepped on it...whoops. Thanks, Nola.

Saturday afternoon after a nap (there was a lot of that going around) I worked on my tree in circle again. This is what I had last week:

And this is how it turned out!

For some reason my camera was turning things a little pink, so the color is a bit off in spots, but you get the idea. Oh how I wish I could stay home all day and make art...oh wait, in six weeks I can!

Saturday was jam-packed, after I finished this project we had to figure out what our costumes for the evening were going to be, because we had a Halloween party to go to. I'll just tell you right now: Anthony and I stink at this whole thinking of costumes and dressing up thing. It's not that I don't let to get dressed up...if someone else picked out my outfit and did my hair and makeup and paid me large sums of money to do it, I'd be good to go. We drove around our town for an hour going to stores trying to think of what we could be...it was really exhausting. Anthony bought us some peanut butter and chocolate fudge and a giant peanut butter cup so we could keep up our energy.

So during this whole excursion I decided what I would be and got what I needed while we were out and about. Straw. There are straw bales up all over town and I just stole a couple of handfuls from a bale...don't tell anyone. However, Anthony STILL didn't know what he was going to be by the time we got home...and the answer was in the bathroom all along. Don't ask me how he got the idea, but somehow he ended up putting a roll of toilet paper on his head under a winter hat and decided he was a Conehead. I told him to put ski goggles on it and be a skiing Conehead:

I cracked up every time I looked at him. I thought I was going as a farmer girl or something, but with the straw in my hair and in my overalls, everyone thought I was a high-dollar hooker, so I went with that. Sorry, wrong party. Everyone thought I was a scarecrow so I just drank my red wine and nodded my head in agreement.

On Sunday I went to the store to try to find this stuff I need for an art project Mom and I want to do. I couldn't find it, but check out the view from the parking lot:

I didn't really do anything creative the rest of the weekend, unless napping again counts...I did make meatballs and soup, so that was something.

Now I'm back at work, on my lunch break, counting down the minutes. Actually so far I'm just counting down the days (27) but if you know me you know I love a good countdown, so I'll probably be counting the minutes sometime soon. My boss said so far 20 applications have come in for my job. Yay! I hope someone will be very happy here because I know I'm going to very happy not here!

Trees In Circles

2008-10-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

This morning I woke up to the news that Asian stock markets had plummeted over night and our own stock market is likely to follow and the United States will probably have an 8% unemployment rate by early next year. What did I do? I smiled!

I have never felt so great about not having a job before! I figure this is fodder for another book, either titled, Wow That Was Stupid:Why Quitting My Job During The Worse Economic Crisis in Recent History Turned Out To Be Kind Of Like Jumping Headfirst Into A Toilet Bowl Filled With Piranhas OR The Best Move Of My Life: How I Made My First Trillion Selling Paperclip Sculptures On Ebay During The Worst Recession Of All Time, depending on how things turn out.

My morning far surpassed the previous evening. Scenario: I had eaten dinner and Anthony and I were about to run to the store to get soy milk and chocolate chips. He was going to have cereal for dinner and I was going to make some chocolate chip muffins for dessert. Then we were going to lounge on the couch and watch the unrated version of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Reality: The moment I laced up my sneaks to head out the door, our friends called saying they had broken down about half an hour away and needed Anthony to pick them up; they'd buy him dinner in return for the favor. The problem is I drive a teenytiny truck and the maximum number of passengers it can fit is three, and to actually fit that many in one or two of them need to be the size of an 18-week-old fetus. Anthony drives a work van since he's a house painter, which can only seat two, plus a couple people tied up and gagged in the back. So we couldn't both go to pick our friends up. Anthony left to get them and I stayed home. I moped around for a while and watched Lindsay Lohan on Ugly Betty, but then I got off my duff and made this:

It's what I started working on this past weekend and it's not done yet. I'm not sure if I like it or not, but it's still a work in progress. Then today at work I made this (still stuck on the Sharpies):

What is it with me and trees and circles? I don't really know, it's a phase, I guess. I must say that since turning in my notice my creativity has been bursting out of me, I have all sorts of ideas for other books and art projects, not to mention the fact that next week I should get all of my pre-course homework for the life coach training I'll be starting in January. Which reminds me....my life coach has been in Spain for a week, she has no idea I've gone and made all these decisions!

Random person asking me a question: Jen, how long has it been since you submitted your chapters and query to Ten Speed Press?

Jen: 14 freaking weeks!!! And three weeks since I sent the inquiry letter wondering if my package was eaten by badgers and/or sea monkeys. What is going on??

RPAMAQ:I don't know, what about the package you sent to Chronicle Books?

J:It's only been about 2 months plus a week since I sent my stuff to them, it takes about 3 months to hear back.

RPAMAQ:How long until you hear from Skirt! about the essay you sent last weekend?

Jen: They take six to eight weeks, so I've got a long way to go.

RPAMAQ:Is there anything else you'd like to say?

Jen: Do you have any chocolate? Nevermind, but thanks for your interest. Have a great weekend!

The Day After THE Day

2008-10-23T13:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a scary and wonderful day for me. I knew the time had come for me to move on from the position I'm in. If the tears on Sunday nights, the likening of returning to work after a vacation to Hell, and my extreme feelings of depression when I thought of myself still being at this job in a year weren't enough of an indicator that I needed to quit, I don't know what would be.

Yes, the economy is terrible. Yes, I have free health insurance through this job, and a 401 (k). But it's just not where I belong. Over the past few months I've written a book, created a blog, gotten an article published, and have been creating art again. This job stimulated that. I've also read a few books that pushed me to make a choice for myself instead of worrying about what everyone else in my life would think about me; one of those book was by author Martha Beck. My mother and I have each read some of her books and Mom shared a quote from one book with me, which I had not fully absorbed when I first read it:

"Do whatever work feeds your true self, even if it's not a safe bet, even if it looks like a crazy risk, even if everyone in your life tells you you're wrong or bad or crazy"

Between talking to my career coach and talking to myself, I know my true joy is going to come from helping people connect with their own true paths, helping them to follow their hearts, and helping them to find their own way. I want to make art, write, blog, and be my own boss. Now I'm actually on my way to doing that.

I'll be here for six more weeks, then I plan on taking a few months off from traditional "work". In January I'll start a nine month online/telephone course to become a life coach myself. Personally, I would change the title to "Awesomeness Inspirer", but that's just me. The program was designed by Martha Beck and she teaches some of the courses; the rest are taught by her master certified coaches. I will also be writing, making art, blogging, and enjoying my life with my time off. When the time comes I plan on getting something to make a little money, but I hope to be working as a life coach before the end of next year is up.

My actual experience of quitting went very, very well. I'm always surprised at how things turn out when I face my fears. It turns out that many things aren't nearly scary as I pictured.

For now I'm satisifed with my life direction and am continuing to make office supply art. Right now all I feel is:

(and more Joy, with blue!)

I'll miss the access to all the free office supplies, seeing my coworker Amy everyday, the paycheck, and....well, that's it. I won't miss wearing the same thing everyday, the 350 mile a week commute, the endless emails that have to go through 6 people just to be able to get a new sign put up...Corporate America is not for me.

Yay me!

Holy $%@&#, I Quit!

2008-10-22T13:24:00.001-04:00

Yes, it's true. Today I quit my job. My last day is December 5th (to give them time to find and train someone new). I can't blog much though, because during my lunch hour my boss took me to lunch. Even though I quit. Weird, huh?

The quitting itself went sooooo much better than my overactive-to-the-point-of-misery-and-insanity imagination thought it would. I was picturing gun fire and claw marks and lightening bolts being shot from eyes. None of that happened, I barely even cried!

Tomorrow I will write more about it, about my plans, and I'll draw you some purty pictures, too!

Pretty Colors

2008-10-21T13:06:00.001-04:00

Since the economic downturn began, the company where I work, like many others, has been tightening it's belt. This primarily upsets me not because I think I'll get laid off, or because our benefits are being cut back, but because it means we have less freedom to order office supplies, a smaller selection of office supplies to choose from when we do need them, and the office supply closet now has a lock on it.

Imagine my unbridled joy yesterday when my boss gave me four little colored notebooks and three new Sharpies! Colored Sharpies! She gave me red, blue, and purple. She did not do this out of the generosity of her heart or because she knows I need to be able to be creative at work or I'll shrivel up and die, she did this because one of the sales reps that is constantly haranguing her to buy things gave her a bunch of free stuff. I know this because the sales rep's name and phone number are all over the new merchandise. But who cares! It's free stuff! That I can use to avoid doing any work!

This is what I created. Perhaps I should have chosen something that goes better with purple, blue, and red, but flowers were what I felt like drawing. Someone give me some new theme ideas, the only things I ever make are flowers and trees and suns. I'm like a 13 year old. Maybe it's time I added unicorns to my repertoire.

In other news, my truck is better now. Or that's what they tell me, I haven't gotten to drive it yet. Air in the brake lines. Happens to me all the time.

I'm going to sign off now since I need to do some stuff on my lunch hour. Mostly thinking about unicorns, but some other important stuff, too.

My Truck Doesn't Like The Commute Either

2008-10-20T13:30:00.000-04:00

Despite the fact that the brakes on my truck weren't operating properly this morning and it's a Monday, I'm in a great mood!

As for the brakes, I am lucky my retired parents who have two vehicles live ten minutes away and are very, very generous with the lending of said cars when I'm having vehicle problems. For all I know my truck just didn't want to commute 35 miles each way today and decided to take a sick day, but it seems very possible I'm going to have to shell out some more cash to have it fixed.

But who cares? This weekend was so satisfying that even the double whammy of having to be back at work and the truck issues don't even bring me down.

Here's what I got done:

1. Above is the essay I gave to my mom to proof and she finished editing it in no time flat. I made the changes and submitted it to a publication that actually pays for essays, so wish me luck.

I made blueberry walnut oat muffins! They are not this blurry in real life! I was involved with a family road trip on Sunday, so I made these for us to snack on - and thank goodness I did, it was a long trip!

I made life! Not like what you're thinking! I finished another polymer clay art project this weekend. This one is much smaller than the sun; it's about 5 inches across. Once I completed it I didn't think the tree stood out enough so I went back and added white acrylic paint to it's edges. I love this medium! I also started another, larger project, but I'll wait until I'm done to put a picture of it up. I also bought foam board, cut it out in the shape of the sun I made last week, painted it, and mounted the sun on it so it will have some strength and stability. I still don't know how to mount it for hanging though.

I made earth! Okay, I can't take credit for the creation of any of this, but I did take the picture. This shot is from the previously mentioned road trip this weekend. Anthony, my mom, my stepdad Joe, and I all piled in the car and drove from Western NC to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. DEEP within the park on the Tennessee side there is a really neat place that was formerly a settlement called Cades Cove, it's beautiful there. We saw, not kidding, 2 jazillion deer. Maybe more. It was cool.

And yes, I finally got my pancakes. The Pancake Pantry in Gatlinburg was packed; there was a line out the door and the outside host had a radio to call to the inside hostess to tell her how big the parties were. I got Sugar and Spice pancakes and made a declaration to myself right then and there: If there was a pancake on the presidential ticket they'd have my vote! Actually, the declaration was, "OMG. I love pancakes. So. Much." Which of course I already knew, but it's nice to have your feelings validated.

I did some other things, too, but I don't have the pictures to back them up. I am hoping to have a really great week that doesn't involve spending too much money on fixing my truck.

The Fashion Edition

2008-10-17T13:30:00.007-04:00

Since I haven't made any office supply art all week and someone left a magazine that I could cut up lying around, I decided to blog about something I care about very deeply: Fashion. You can tell I care about fashion by my look today: I'm wearing the pants with the staples in the hem, I'm sporting un-plucked eyebrows, a somewhat wrinkled shirt, and as always, something is stuck in my teeth. Not sure what it is. But onto the topic at hand. Behold:

1 & 2. When I started in my job I was allowed to pick out the uniforms that everyone on my team would wear. I really, really pushed for the looks depicted in items one and two, but sadly budget constraints forced me to go with a slacks and blouse combo instead. For those of you, not naming any names *coughAmycough* who think I sound old when I use the words "slacks" and "blouse", leave me alone, it's time for my prune juice.
3. Seriously, if I had known that heels with socks was in style this season, I would have lost a lot less sleep at night.
4. A fuzzy, leopard print hat with a feather would look good on me. In a parallel universe where Britney Spears was a maven of good taste.
5. I'm just not a big fan of heels unless you're going to wear socks with them.
6. She has a chicken on her head. Do I have to say anything else?

In other, non fashion-related news, it's Friday and I'm in a great mood! My career/life coaching session this week really helped me to open up to what I really want to do for a career and gave me some ideas about how to survive my job with a positive attitude while I'm still here. I don't have another session with the coach until October 30th but I've made kind of a big decision about what I direction I'm going to go in. I'm not quite ready to blog about it, but I'm really excited. I figure that I'll have to do lots of little jobs to be truly happy and make a living, but I feel really good about that.

In fact, today I wrote another article that I'll try to get published, hopefully in a magazine that might even pay me a little for the article. Sometimes I get to a place where I have a great idea and I can write and it comes out of me naturally. Other times it's not nearly so easy and I'd rather sit on the couch drinking my prune juice.

As has become tradition, I have to tell you how many weeks have passed since I sent my submission package to Ten Speed Press: 13! I sent the followup letter almost two weeks ago. And I sent it from a different location in case my friendly neighborhood postal worker has it out for me. Quite a bit of time has passed since I sent my stuff to Chronicle Books, too. About two months, actually. I'd love to hear something, but not hearing anything is better than getting rejected.

I hope to make more art this weekend, write, get my article proofed (Thanks, Mom!) and submit it. Also I hope to eat pancakes. I was very disappointed about the lack of pancakes I consumed on Tuesday, so I hope the family trip to Gatlinburg and the Great Smoky Mountains this weekend pan(cake)s out better.

Conference Highlights: Shiny Head

2008-10-16T13:30:00.002-04:00

Last Sunday through Tuesday I was over in Nashville, Tennessee for a conference about how to pass time when you're bored out of your mind and the man next to you keeps eating the free mints and rustling their wrappers until you think you might have to excuse yourself to the bathroom to scream. That was a slight exaggeration, because the conference was actually about nothing. The highlights:

Sunday: I have friends in Nashville, Casey Kelly and Leslie Ellis, they are singer/songwriters that I know through my time at my previous job, where we had a monthly songwriter's in the round musical show. Anywho, they are great and we've never been to their house before. We saw an owl, which was awesome, it was HUGE! It was hanging out in a tall tree in their backyard and we got to watch it take off while the sun was setting. Very picturesque. Leslie made us a lovely vegetable-filled dinner, which I needed badly after a day filled with carbs and cream cheese and trail mix. She also did the "scratch and scootch" with her cat, Bo. This basically means she gets on the floor and scratches his back until he scootches away a few inches, and she follows him and scratches him until he moves again - apparently they sometimes traverse the whole house this way. Bo is one of those cats who stares at you, right into your soul, until you blink and then he laughs at your lack of willpower. I liked him. Dinner also involved copious amounts of wine for me, which means I remember getting home and getting in bed but not much else. Fun times!

Monday: I had to go to the conference all day. I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't serve Barbecue at lunch. I got the old vegetarian standby, pasta. It was actually pretty good. I spent a good part of my day staring at the top of the head of the man sitting in front of me. He was bald and he had the shiniest head I have ever seen. It was actually reflecting the ceiling lights and I thought I could probably see my reflection in it if I got close enough. I mentioned this to Anthony, who thinks he must wax it. Is head wax a real product, available to the general bald public? I must research this. After the conference was over we went for sushi and walked around Centennial Park, which has a recreation of the Parthenon in it! It was fun to walk around.

Tuesday: The morning was more conference stuff. One woman talked twice as long as she was scheduled to. She mostly complained about the marketing department of her place of employment. I stared at Shiny Head the whole time. When the conference ended Anthony and I tried to have lunch at the Pancake Pantry, because I love me some pancakes and this place is pretty well known. Sadly we could not find parking and it was very busy everywhere and both of us were starving and very close to gnawing on each other instead of pancakes. We went to some diner instead and I had something that was definitely not a pancake. Oh well, we're going to Cades Cove and Gatlinburg on Sunday, they have a Pancake Pantry, too. After lunch we went to the Nashville Zoo:

This is me laying in the grass, I was so tired from being at the conference for two days.

This is a cloud leopard but it reminded us of Nola when she's trying to get outside. He or she (didn't have a chance to check the plumbing) was beautiful but really seemed desperate to get out.

If that was Nola than this was my other cat, Coconut. It's a Bengal Tiger and it was as far away as it could possibly get from the annoying and noisy humans. Much like Coconut.

Donkey.
This is a picture of me and Anthony just chillin' out.

Me again, not my best angle.

These are elephants. They were pretty close to us, it was neat.

The real reason I didn't write what some of these animals are is because I have a terrible memory and very little knowledge of what your more foreign animal names are. Llama is pretty much my limit on exotics. So this bird, above, is a big, bluish purple bird, okay?

After the zoo and on the way home, we were scanning through the radio stations and a song by Justin Timberlake came on, "Rock Your Body". Anthony really and truly thought JT was saying something about a laser printer. I told him what the words were, but he kept singing about the laser printer and also added in some lyrics about color copiers and scanners, it was probably the best part of my day because I was laughing so I hard I was able to ignore the scary, mountainous, curvy, truck-filled road surrounding us.

Then I came home. No more conferences for me this year, thank goodness. I've been to three and that's plenty!

Appropriately Flushing Toilets

2008-10-15T16:39:00.003-04:00

I have waaaaay too many topics on my mind that I'd like to blog about right now and I'm having trouble deciding on which one to go with. So I'm going to write about none of the topics and instead share this sign with you. It has recently gone up in my place of employment in the ladies room, on the wall next to the toilet:

I actually work in a different area than where this sign is posted. My toilets flush themselves, thank you. (I know, you're jealous.) Apparently upstairs there is a problem with people and them taking care of their business, if you know what I mean. What truly makes this sign so interesting to me is that it says "flushes appropriately". What does that mean?? I love the wording at corporate jobs, everything from emails to signs near toilets. You can't just say what you mean, which is "Damnit, no one wants to see your poop! Flush the toilet!" Nooooo you have to use big words even if they make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. What would "in-appropriate" flushing be? If I flushed wearing a feather boa? If I clogged while I flushed? Bottom line: I don't belong here! I don't know how to flush appropriately!

Which brings me to my life coaching session today...but I'm going to leave you on the edge of your seat (or couch or lounge chair or unicycle or whatever) because I want to take some more time to absorb what I worked on today and work on some of the homework assignments I was given, then think of something silly to make up about it to share with you.

Also, very soon on the blog I will be posting pictures of zoo animals. More information to follow....

Values and Other Homework Assignments

2008-10-14T13:30:00.000-04:00

I'm still in Nashville, Music City, staying in a fancy hotel and spending my company's money. But I'm learning lots and lots about customer service. And also about networking. Two of my favorite things!

Tomorrow I have another session with my Life/Career Coach, Barbara, and I had quite a few homework assignments to complete before our meeting. One of them was to go through a list of values she provided me and, in a sort of complex process that involved a grid and a protractor and a pair of alligator boots, determine what my top ten values are. I had to break the rules and wear snake skin boots and picked 12 values, but that's me, always breaking the rules.

It blows my mind that someone could actually come up with these top ten values, based on the list she provided:

America
Credit
Dominance
Flamboyance
Influence Over Others
Life Insurance
Materialism
Metaphysics
National Security
Obedience

Those do not represent me at all and I am not kidding that those were on the list. Luckily, there were plenty of things on the list that felt right to me, these are my top 12, some tied based on my protractor-calculations:

Healing & Life
Joy & Clarity
Love & Energy
Spirituality
Authenticity & Satisfaction
Family
Health

I also had to take two tests online, one was the Keirsey Tempermant Sorter II test, I've taken something like this before when I was a kid (my mother and I didn't shop together, we did psychological tests together) and my results were similar to what I've had in the past. I am an ENFP, which means Expressive (I've also heard Extrovert), Introspective (Intuitive), Friendly (Feeling), Prober. That's me, I certainly like to Probe. Supposedly someone with this profile likes to bring harmony to groups, which is true for me. The other test was the Self Directed Search test, and it turns out I like things having to do with Socialization, Artistic Expression and supposedly Convential occupations, and I don't think that part is true. I can use a computer, yes, and file things, yes, but I don't want that to be my whole work life. I thought it was quite funny that the test told me some combinations of characteristics have less job options than others; mine is one of those combinations. Why can't I just want to fix cars or something?

I'm confident I'll find my way and that when I find it I won't be going to conferences feeling obligated to pass out my business card and make small talk with people who are wearing too much cologne.

Ta Ta for now, I have to go work on my line dancing....

My Awesomeness Represented In Clay

2008-10-13T13:30:00.001-04:00

I am so happy right now. By the time you read this I'll either be sitting in a meeting about customer service and the seven best ways to improve it that don't involve Valium or eating some weird conference lunch food, but as I type this on Saturday, I am happy. This is what I created, or completed creating, today:

I jammed out to some No Doubt and then some solo Gwen Stefani and rocked my radical dance moves and went to town finishing this project. I started working on one of the sun's tentacles but wasn't feeling it, so I went with my gut and scrapped it and started again. I'm really happy with the results and when I feel this good it's hard to believe I ever have to sit in a windowless grey office entering data about...well, nothing, in my opinion.

Someday (hopefully someday very, very soon) I plan on experiencing this joy, much, much more often.

Swirl Therapy

2008-10-10T13:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was having a grumpy day. Instead of doing what I usually do when I'm grumpy (crying, being mean to small children, consuming entire cases of Willy Wonka chocolate bars, shooting squirrels with BB's) I wrote a long-winded email to my life coach, asked to leave work early, and swirled my worries away:

I wanted to continue this swirling project today, but I couldn't find the pen I used yesterday, which was running out of ink and had a light line to it, so I couldn't pick up where I left off. Oh well, it's pretty the way it is.

My life coach, Barbara, also sent me an email back and it really helped me feel better, especially the part where she told me that this will be a great enhancement to my life but if I have an erection lasting longer than four hours I should seek medical attention...wait, that was some junk email I got, what she said was even better: "As long as we look outside ourselves for answers or validation, we're going to be confused because everyone will have their own perception and ideas of what we should be doing. The key, which is one main thing I want you to get in this coaching work, is that ALL the answers lie within YOU." Wow, that sounds pretty good to me! What do you think? Ha, okay, nevermind.

I'll work on internalizing that idea this weekend while I'm away in Nashville for a work conference. Which reminds me, I need to go pack my cowboy boots and fringed leather jacket for the trip to the Country Music Capitol. Hmmm, my brain just reminded me that I don't own either of those items, so I guess I'll just have to go country in spirit, not in fashion.

And to wrap this post up...12 weeks and nothing from Ten Speed Press! Hopefully they didn't get my follow-up letter this week and decide to burn my submission package....

It'll Make Hair Grow On Your Feet

2008-10-09T13:30:00.000-04:00

The pain and suffering (greatly exaggerated for primetime TV) of making the stuffed shells was well worth it. This is how much the recipe made!

We didn't eat all that...yet. Actually, I sent the small dish to my parents, put the round dish in the freezer and then the big dish made about five meals. They were delicious! In fact, look at Amy's "full" tummy:

Yeah, looks real full, doesn't it? She ate more shells than me and I know for a fact she ate a hot dog for lunch and yet she still looks like that. Unfortunately the shells did make her feet hairy:

My shells are so good they will make hair grow on your chest! And feet! Eat up!
The shells made me look deranged, see?

We look like twins: The one who is normal and has a flat stomach and the one who was dropped repeatedly on her hed.

After a night of shells, hot apple cider, and Scrabble (I didn't win a single game) we slept a restful, delightful sleep. And then I got up this morning to meditate. Some guidelines I live by:

Successful meditation:
quiet
peaceful
relaxing
get in touch with feelings
silent mind
clarity

Not so succesful meditation:
yelling at your cats
restarting the session three times
having to go to the bathroom really bad in the middle

Today I had the Not So Successful Medication Experience. Coconut kept pushing open or pawing on the office door, I was not able to hide from her this time. I stopped once to kick her out, once to feed her, and once to put her outside. I restarted my 15 minute timer each time, but by about 11 minutes in to the third try I could not hold nature back any longer...and that was the end of my meditation session this morning. Maybe I'll try again later, after I've given the cats and myself some very strong medication.