Insert Evil Laugh Here

Hi! I'm working hard on a few projects this week, including a couple of humorous essays to submit to two different humor contests, my second book and oh yeah, work.

This week is evaluation week at work, and you can bet your butt that I'll be using that somehow to be funny. After the tears have dried, that is.

I've decided I like writing so much because it always involves me talking about myself. And occasionally my loved ones. But mostly making fun of my loved ones, which is oddly fun for me, too.

I really, really love writing. I feel like I'm full of vim and vigor and vinegar and vinaigrette when I'm writing. I feel alive.

I hope that I can do this full time. Amy is editing the manuscript this week, I hope to submit it to atleast two publishers, Ten Speed Press and Sourcebooks before I leave for vacation.

My plan is to get the book published, make a little money from it, have enough interest from a publisher to write a sequel, and keep writing and writing. And also winter in Mexico. Ah, I can picture it now.

I better get back to my real job though, the one that pays the bills...

Guess What I Accomplished Yesterday

Yesterday was a Saturday, my mom and step dad's 22 year wedding anniversary. I woke up early, invited them over, made them a lovely breakfast to celebrate, and then went to town with them to an art festival, bought my sweetheart one of his birthday gifts and went for a walk. Yup, all in one day.

Oh, did I mention I finished the first draft of my book??? How is this possible, you may be asking yourself. She just started three weeks ago. This is possible because I am driven. This is my passion and this has been my focus almost consuming my entire life. I have never been able to stay so with a project, despite my earlier complaints about lack of focus. I feel it, this is what I'm going to be doing. Also, I can't even begin to imagine that I'll have to be at my job this time next year, I am really not enjoying it and it does not fulfill any part of me, other than my wallet.

I want to write full time. I want to promote and tour and blog and be funny. This feels right.

I edited it one time and completed all the artwork for each chapter. I'll be submitting it to my editor and dear friend Amy tomorrow and hopefully she can get it done in not too long, I know she has her own creative pursuits going on and I don't want to take away from that.

My mother has been doing so much research about publishers for me, which is so great because I have no skill whatsoever for that sort of thing. The one I'm currently focused on is Sourcebooks, as they allow un agented and un published authors to submit. Right now I'm working on my submission package...that sounds sort of dirty, doesn't it? Never mind.

I've never done anything like this before and I am SO excited. This is it, keep believing in me.

Keeping the Focus

Focus. Lately it seems to be something I lack. I lack focus in my work because I think about working on the book or other writings instead. I lack focus on the book because I think about writing columns on other subjects and worry when I'll find the time to get it done. I lack focus on my lunch because I'm typing this blog instead.

I have roughed out Chapter Five, but I don't have any of the art done for it and that helps to get a complete picture of what I want to write. I worry that I'm not funny anymore. That I'm trying too hard. I'm having a hard time finding a silent moment in my brain, even though I advocate that in the book to help with finding your creativity.

I wish I was already there, done, getting published. I'm going to have to work on my focus and my patience, I think.

In happy news I get to eat Mexican food tonight. I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner (but no margaritas, this place can't serve hard liquor. Sort of missing the point of being a Mexican restaurant in some ways) and then a movie. I'm embarassed to say the movie is Sex in the City. She asked if I would go and even though I don't care about high heels, fashion, the sex lives of these women and never watched the TV show, I figured it would still be a good time.

I have a whole hour for lunch today. It's 2pm and I'm just getting to eat, but atleast I've got the time to work on my book. We'll see what the next 57 minutes bring.

Chapter Four, Done and Funny!

I did lots of work this weekend. Saturday I went to my mom's house and we made collages together, mine with the intention of getting entered as fodder into the collage chapter of my book. Mom made one collage, I believe when I asked her what the theme was she said "Things that I think are pretty enough to go into a collage". Good enough for me!

After finishing the collages I came home and took very unfocused pictures of them and started chapter four. After sending part of it to Mom and making an edit of something she found politically incorrect, I gave it a rest for the night.

On Sunday, today, I banged out the rest of the chapter, went through and edited it a few times, and then also completed a column I am submitting to a local publication, hoping to get published. It doesn't pay, but that's not my purpose, I want to get out there and prove to myself I can do this.

I had a mini melt down (and I don't mean a delicious mini melted cheese sandwich, either) at the end of this week worrying that I'll never get published. I've got the ego, I think I'm talented, funny and have a great product to sell, but the fact that I have no agent, am unpublished and don't have a sex tape to get myself started and noticed is making me sort of nervous. I can do this though.

Now it's time to watch TV, because that solves all problems. Maybe some wine, too.

October 12, 2009

This is my fantasy of what will be going on on the date of October 12, 2009, as written in an email to Amy.

A Monday. Columbus Day, actually, is that a holiday at work? It doesn't matter. At all. Because this is what Amy and Jen will be doing:Amy: Will be on her autumn tour promoting her well received album, "Guacamole on the Side" on the west coast. Her album was released April 7, 2009 and she has played her hit single, which was released in March, "Four Days From Homeless" on Late Night with Conan O'Brien and on Ellen. Her summer tour sold out in many locations. She has received lots of free Mexican Food since the release of her second single "Mexican Restaurants" in July. She purchased her first home in May. She is on the phone with Jen alot because she is getting married in December and she has lots of questions. Amy quit her job with a flourish which included a juggling act and fire-eater on November 19th, 2008 after signing her record contract.

Jen: Will be writing her follow up book, "Office Supply Art Returns: Some Awesome Stuff Made by Other People". Her first book about Office Supply Art was released in May of 2009 and was followed with a book tour and some other stuff. She bought a house in the mountains and now works when she feels like it, usually sometime after she wakes up in the morning and before she goes to sleep at night. Her multiple title book deal was signed in December of 2008, days before she ran through the office, naked, shouting how she was never going to wear heels again. Once she was released from jail she spent the rest of the winter in Mexico with her sweetheart and her cats. She is going to visit Amy in Oregon next week and sleep on her tour bus and make her quesadillas. She is also going to remind Amy that she will be turning 30 on November 23rd, 2009, so Amy will get her a good gift.

This is it, people! This is my gift and purpose. I want to write! And be funny! And help people find that passion about doing the things they love and seeing humor in life!

Chapter Three

Chapter Three - Stars - In the can, baby. Not in the bathroom, either, which is where I should really be right now because I'm squeezing all sorts of parts of me together to try to finish this post before I head that direction.

I came home from work and working out last night with goals and excitement and I did what i set out to do. I finished my star art, took (really blurry, horrible) pics of it, got them onto my computer and then banged out chapter three. I'm still not 100% on it, although I liked it last night more after I stepped away from it for a moment. Sometimes funny people feel like they're not funny. But that's just more Voice of Reason sending doubts my way.

I plan on taking a different avenue on the themes of the rest of my chapters, so far I've focused on art you can make with office supplies, but now I'm going to work on collages and then just other office related humor.

I am so pumped up, this is the first project in my life where I have felt this sustained, real enthusiasm with a real, genuine belief that I can do this for a living. I want to write humor and integrate art, cooking, kids and art eventually, travel, who knows, I feel the whole world is cracking open for me now and that I AM good enough to do this. I have a plan in place, thank goodness for Amy, she is really helping me get this together, and I'm going to try and try and try to get this published and make this my career. It feels natural to me, I won't have to work in an office anymore, it's just perfect for me.

Excuse me now, before something explodes...

Renewed Faith!

I am so excited. But I didn't start out that way. I started out grumpy this morning, I didn't want to go back to work, I'm still coughing alot, my job is pointless, etc etc. So I sent my coworker Amy an email about this. She came down a little while later and walked right over to me and hugged me.

Is it my birthday? Did her dog learn how to use the indoor plumbing? No. She finally read chapter one of the book. I sent it to her a week ago but she's been too busy to read it. She loved it. She has given me the renewed excitement and faith that I have a good idea and I'm funny and I can do this. I could never get anywhere without the support of my loved ones, I'm so thankful for them.

So I'm all revved up, ready to get back to writing. She even said she'd edit it for me, for free. She wants it by August 15th, in about nine and a half weeks. Um, isn't that some smutty sex movie or something? I must research this.

The problem now though is that I don't want to work. Does anyone else feel like their job really has no purpose whatsoever? Especially right now for me, I work in a field that involved airplanes/airports and this is not a good time to be associated with those. The prices are going through the roof! When I think how useless my job seems on top of the fact that it's probably going to be a non existent field in a few years makes me a little...well, nothing. I don't even want to be here, I want to write a book on office supply art and get it published and promote it and do what I was MEANT to do, not this!!!

Yay!!!