Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Hell is the Day After Vacation

Yesterday I woke up to this:
It's the view from the back porch of the rental apartment at the beach where I stayed for four nights.

Today I woke up to this:
Yes, you are correct. The burning fires of hell. Call me dramatic if you must, but having to come back to work after five days off, to a job that I am not super-crazy about, feels awful.
The whole reason I started writing Office Supply Art: How to Not Die of Boredom and Lack of Creativity at Your Lame 9 to 5 was because making art and being creative made my job so much better, and I thought it could help other people, too.
However, so far I have not been successful in getting the book published (or unsuccessful, either: I'm still waiting to hear from a couple places and I have a back up plan if that doesn't work: Sarah Palin impersonator) and my feelings of hope and joy and freedom are starting to fade.
As such, I have made a list of other ways to make my job better:
1. Take over the management of the kitten-petting program at my place of employment. We don't have a kitten-petting program? Dammit.
2. Start an employee club. I was thinking "Future Unemployed Authors of America".
3. Start a variety of employee contests:
  • Push up contests. I would most certainly lose, even doing girl push ups, but my deep level of concentration could possibly make me forget how much my job is sucking the life out of me.
  • Dress-up contests. I'll bring the feather boas.
  • Thumb wrestling contests. I might have a shot at that title, which should improve my ego after losing in the push up and dress-up contests.
  • Creepiest employee contests. Winner gets a free restraining order.
  • Debate Club Competitions. My topic: Why wearing pants at work is wrong and its implications on our society as a whole.
4. Bring my EZ Bake Oven to work and start making chocolate chip cookies.
5. Quitting.
Anybody else have any ideas about how to make a job less tear-and-snot-inducing?

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